Wednesday, April 20, 2011

Q the Eye/04.20.11

Dear LakeCountyEye,
The votes were counted and he won hands down
So they sent him off to Washin'ton town
With his best dress suit still his buckskins brown
A livin' legend of growin' reknown.
Davy, Davy Crockett, The Canebrake Congressman!

He went off to Congress and served a spell
Fixin' up the Gover'ment and laws as well
Took over Washin'ton so we heared tell
And patched up the crack in the Liberty Bell.
Davy, Davy Crockett, Seein' his duty clear!

Him and his jokes travelled all through the land
And his speeches made him friends to beat the band
His politickin' was their favorite brand
And everyone wanted to shake his hand.
Davy, Davy Crockett, Helpin' his legend grow!
Yee Haw, I'm fixin' to run for the US Congress! Where do I sign?

On a Rocket to the Top

Dear Crockett Pot,

You're running for Congress? Take a number -- and your LakeCountyEye doesn't mean Congressional District number. Now that Melissa Bean has gone the way of the Phil Whooping Crane and has departed from the field, everyone and their lawn gnome thinks they can be the next Congressman.

Joe Walsh's inexplicable victory does prove something: anyone can run and win in the Eighth Congressional District. It does not prove however that anyone-can-win-in-the-eighth is a winning campaign strategy. That would be like saying because a tattoo artist in Trailerpark Illinois can win the Mega-Million, buying lottery tickets is a winning investment strategy.

But speaking of the Mega-Million, that Congressional seat is well within your grasp. All you need to do is follow your LakeCountyEye 7-step sure-fire-path-to-victory winning strategy:
  • Raise a fist full of cash.
  • Make friends with local power brokers.
  • Raise a pocket full of cash.
  • Make friends with Springfield power brokers.
  • Raise a hat full of cash.
  • Make friends with DC power brokers.
  • Raise a suitcase full of cash.
Congressman Walsh, who's been in DC only three months now, has already raised some $400,000 for his re-election. How much is in your warchest? Coffer? Piggybank? No doubt, the checks are in the mail. You would still probably be well advised, in the near-term at least, to not be shopping for that condo in the beltway burbs.

Your LakeCountyEye does have one more suggestion. If Donald Trump won't return your fundraising calls, you may want to try the next best thing: Stump like Trump. If Trump demands Pres Obama's birth certificate, then you should demand Obama's birth certificate. It's working for Trump. It worked for Walsh.
Off through the woods we're ridin' along
Makin' up yarns and singin' a song
He's ringy as a b'ar and twice as strong
And knows he's right 'cause he ain't often wrong.
Davy, Davy Crockett, The man who don't know fear!

The Ballad of Davy Crockett
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Anonymous said...

While he may have raised 400K, he was 321K in debt as of 12/31/10. Therefore his cash on hand is miniscule.

Anonymous said...

Wow -- sounds like a lot of campaigning for someone who says he's not concerned about reelection.

I wonder what else he's lied about??