Wednesday, March 25, 2020

Orange is the New Black Death

Today at 12:01pm an agent of the Federal Government hand delivered to your LakeCountyEye President Trump's Coronavirus Guidelines for America.

Note to Ops: It may defeat the purpose to communicate instructions for combatting a highly infectious pandemic via the US Mail. People these days are even afraid to touch their mailboxes. Just Sayin!

Having no such qualms (along with a Hazmat Suit from the last chemical spill) your LakeCountyEye secured an unredacted copy of President Trump's Coronavirus Guidelines. So you don't have to.
To be sure, these are desperate times. Could there be a more trusted source of vitally important & reliable medical facts, other than legitimate businessman and US President, Donald John Trump? Your LakeCountyEye does not think so. Here's the Trump Ten:
Donald J Trump's 10 Big Beautiful Tricks for Finagling the Coronavirus
  1. Stock up on toilet paper. They aren't making it any more.

  2. Spray-on tan is as effective as a face mask.

  3. COVID-19 will be rebranded as COVFEFE-19.

  4. The Justice Dept has given President Trump total immunity.

  5. Avoid Chinese restaurants.

  6. A 6-foot social distance is about as far as you can swing a golf club.

  7. Lost your job? Use that free time to plan a vacation at a TRUMP Casino or Resort.

  8. Not everyone has bone spurs. Tell your draft board you have the Coronavirus.

  9. If your State wants Federal dollars then you better start investigating Hunter Biden.

  10. President Trump's hair is not on fire.
Look for your LakeCountyEye sheltering in place near you.


Anonymous said...

You just stick with your democrat politicians up there in Illinois. How you feeling about your property taxes, gasoline prices, income tax rates, losing residents by the thousands, and a state run totally by the corrupt politicians in Chicago...Me, I'll take Trump all day.

Barney Baxter said...

hi Anon,

Absolutely. With Trump the jokes write themselves.


Dump Crump said...

Defending Crump by comparing him to the likes of Madigan is no different than saying Hitler is better than Stalin. Duh! Typical mindless dribble from a die hard Crumper.