Saturday, August 23, 2014

Q the Eye/08.23.14

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Help -- the summertime pests are swarming! There are millions of them out there, and I'm afraid to leave my house. And I don't mean mosquitoes, I mean bicyclists. I can call the Southlake Mosquito Abatement District to spray the mosquitoes. Is there a Bicycle Abatement District that I can call?

Lance Strongarm
Dear Tour de Farce, Ὥρος Hōros

One local community shares your pain. Barrington Hills, observed the Daily Herald, is ...
where residents and cyclists are in a nasty battle over access to the town's scenic, tree-lined roads. Residents say their roads are being clogged by unlawful, unsafe riders of the "professional biking community, clad in spandex." Bicyclists, they say, flout the rules of the road, block vehicles from passing and, in some cases, have been caught urinating in yards.
Residents, cyclists feud over Barrington Hills roads
In retaliation, the residents of Barrington Hills are posting stern but tasteful yardsigns ...
... hoping that those pesky bicyclists will take a hint and scoot off to someone else's community. Haha, good luck with that.

You're better off following the lead of McHenry County. As readers of this blog are aware ...
Whatever Floats Your Boat
McHenry County has no zoning restrictions, and many front yards there come well-stocked with boats and RVs and anything else that will balance on four cinder blocks. These are not exactly scenic tree-lined vistas that tend to attract bicyclers.

So if you want those bicyclists to go away, do as they do in McHenry County and proudly exhibit that pontoon boat and that busted washing machine and that Ford F150 engine right on your front yard.

Also, get rid of those cute little yardsigns and post some of these badboys instead:
You will be surprised how quickly those bicyclists make like a scenic, tree-lined vista and leave.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

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