Sunday, December 3, 2023

Raze the Roofs

fixed overhead costs
The truck that crashed into the Long Grove bridge failed to hit the Long Grove bridge this time. The truck demolished a covered bridge in Princeton IL, instead:
despite multiple signs warning against doing so, the driver of an 18-wheeler tried to cross the bridge, causing extensive damage to the structure.
‘Devastated’: 160-year-old covered bridge, one of few left in Illinois, severely damaged by truck
For the record, Princeton is an exurb South of I-80, North of Peoria, and West of the Pecos.

A Lake County traffic safety officer told your LakeCountyEye: "Our decoy program is working better than expected. Every truck that hits a downstate covered bridge is one less truck crashing into the Long Grove bridge."

The McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot who failed to shoot himself in the foot in McHenry County was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, November 28, 2023

Wheels of Fire

arf arf
Late fall in Lake County is a time when the trees and the foliage and the people and their vehicles all converge for a wondrous display of color. Of course your LakeCountyEye refers to the combustible combination of yard waste and hot catalytic converters and the resulting street fires:
A suburban fire department has advised residents to keep their vehicles away from fallen leaves after a car parked on leaves ignited, causing the car to burst into flames. The Mundelein Fire Department said that firefighters responded to a fully involved vehicle fire late Sunday evening, with the car and surrounding leaves completely engulfed in flames upon arrival of firefighters. Officials said that the blaze was quickly extinguished and that no injuries were reported.
Mundelein Fire Department advises residents to keep leaves away from vehicles after parked car ignites
In related news, you're invited to a drive-thru holiday festival of lights. Please fire up your engines and take a cruise through the open field site of last summer's outdoor marijuana festival in Mundelein. For best results, drive slow and roll your windows down.

Thursday, November 23, 2023

Phase 2 of Halloween+Thanksgiving+Christmas

gobble gobble
Thanksgiving is that time of year to be thankful. To reflect on what matters most. To share in your good fortunes.

So could there be any better time for a pop quiz?

Q: Why did the giant Thanksgiving Turkey parade balloon cross the road?
A: Because it was under the Long Grove Bridge (clearance 8ft 6in).

Q: What did the McHenry Man who shot himself in the foot say at Thanksgiving dinner?
A: I want another leg.

Q: Why did the Waukegan Airport annex the turkey farm?
A: They wanted the planes full on thanksgiving.

Q: Why did the the thanksgiving turkey stay away from the Mundelein outdoor marijuana festival?
A: Everyone was getting baked.

Q: What did the thanksgiving turkey who got stopped driving the wrong way in a Lake County roundabout say?
A: Nothing. Turkeys do not talk.
First prize is a butterball turkey. You may pick up your prize at traffic court.

Saturday, November 18, 2023

It is Happening Again

steady, aim, fire
Did anyone really think the McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot was just going to walk away from it all?

Last week the McHenry County Man shot himself in the foot in Des Plaines:
Police: Woman's gun goes off in car, hits boyfriend outside Rivers Casino
And now, less than a week later, he shot himself in the foot in Mount Prospect:
The victim was taken to a hospital for treatment of what police called a nonlife-threatening injury.
Man shot in leg Sunday night in Mount Prospect
McHenry County Man confirms the old adage: It doesn't matter where you go in life. All that matters is that your weapon is loaded.

Monday, November 13, 2023

Even If You Could Run, You Can't Hide

Dance, you varmint!
The McHenry County Man who shot himself in the foot is playing them close to the vest:
A shooting outside Rivers Casino in Des Plaines early Saturday turned out to be an accident where a woman's gun went off and hit her boyfriend, police said.
Police: Woman's gun goes off in car, hits boyfriend outside Rivers Casino
In an effort to evade scrutiny, the McHenry County Man had ...
  • Relocated to Des Plaines
  • Identified as female
  • The foot that was shot belongs to a boyfriend
Despite all that, the McHenry County Man was apprehended by the police. They said the McHenry County Man took a gun out of her purse, ...
"when the gun fired striking her boyfriend in the leg," police said. The man suffered non-life-threatening injuries, police said.
Police: Woman's gun goes off in car, hits boyfriend outside Rivers Casino
Note to Ops: There is no point in trying to cover your tracks when you shoot yourself in the foot.

Wednesday, November 8, 2023

You Can't Spell Long Grove Without Noel

don't eat the fake snow
Tis that special time of the year again, anticipated and beloved by everyone throughout Lake County. Of course, that joyous season your LakeCountyEye refers to is the Countdown to Christmas 2023 on the Hallmark Channel.

If you are lucky you may already have that special feeling that you are living in a Hallmark Christmas Movie. And if so, that means you are resident of Long Grove. They were filming another Hallmark Christmas Movie in Long Grove, last month:
'A town straight out of a Hallmark movie': Long Grove provides perfect setting for new Hulu rom-com
The IMDb says the movie is a remake of the 1957 epic WWII film The Bridge on the River Kwai.

"The plot tracks the labors of allied POWs, who build a covered bridge on the perilous "coffin" road. Only to witness the bridge's destruction in a thrilling climax. A supply train fails to heed a warning that the covered bridge has a razor-thin 8 ft. 6 in. clearance."

Spoiler alert, the Lake County exploding bomb train makes a cameo appearance.

Friday, November 3, 2023

Hit the Streets

Did you know that there once were flying cars that flew like airplanes? Those are all extinct now. The last flying car, sadly, had to stop for a red-light at 5,000 feet.

So it should come as no surprise that an airplane landed on a road in Cary last week:
A flight student got quite the lesson Monday morning when her instructor was forced to make an emergency landing on Cary-Algonquin Road in Cary.
Flight instructor makes emergency landing on two-lane road in Cary during lesson
In related news, Waukegan National Airport annexed Cary-Algonquin Road for an emergency runway.

Sunday, October 29, 2023

The Amen Corner

The tinfoil theocrats McHenry County Blog do not have a prayer. Not if that prayer was from the Illinois House of Representatives.

Muslim clerics recited (in Arabic) the opening prayer for the General Assembly in Springfield. But the idea did not inspire much Christian charity from the McHenry County Blog:

One spokesman for God said: "They should be reading prayers from the Bible, which was written in English."

Tuesday, October 24, 2023

Wham, Bam, Mammogram

Ladies, Lake County State Rep Martin McLaughlin has your back!

October is breast cancer awareness month. Be sure to schedule your mammogram:

Only be sure not to go to a conveniently located family planning clinic where a mammogram can be scheduled at a minimal cost. Martin McLaughlin wants to see those shut down: Note to Ops: Martin McLaughlin may have your back but that doesn't mean he has your uterus.

Thursday, October 19, 2023

The Ninth Circle

Stay on the straight and narrow.
Been experiencing dizziness lately? You're not alone. Lake County has a new roundabout:
Lake County's ninth roundabout near Wauconda opens early
With it being the 21st Century and everything, Lake County is all in on traffic circles. A roundabout will efficiently move vehicles through an intersection and at a fraction of the cost -- what's not to like? Nothing, not to mention all the things to like. Of which there are ten:
10 Off-Label Benefits of a Lake County Traffic Circle
  1. The Waukegan Airport can annex it for a circular runway.

  2. Trucks will crash in the roundabout before crashing into the Long Grove bridge.

  3. Call it the Route 53 Extension. Solve all of your traffic problems.*

  4. Host the next GOP Presidential debate there. It can be promoted as the Circular Firing Squad.

  5. Waukegan casino? No dice. Instead play roundabout roulette.

  6. Prototype the new Six Flags thrill ride.

  7. A totally tubular spot for an outdoor marijuana festival.

  8. Install some red-light cameras and the roundabout pays for itself.

  9. All-purpose Mexican Independence Day parade route.

  10. Make it a TIF district. Because you can.

* This joke circa 2007.
Look for your LakeCountyEye circling, near you.

Sunday, October 15, 2023

Bust Your Bridges

If you can dream it...
The truck that crashes into the Long Grove bridge failed to crash into the Long Grove bridge. The vehicle crashed into the Metra bridge on Route 45 instead:
Semi-truck strikes bridge, leads to three-vehicle crash near Libertyville
In related news, the Lake County exploding bomb train failed to explode on the Route 45 Metra bridge.

The McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot but failed to shoot himself in the foot was unavailable for comment.

Tuesday, October 10, 2023

School Colors

Actual unretouched screencaps from Lake County's #1 fakenews source, the Lake County Gazette:

Next from the Lake County Gazette: "The Supreme Court repealed Roe v Wade. Why not Brown v Board of the Education?"

Thursday, October 5, 2023

The Drinking Party

Approved by Vladimir Putin
It's time to play Truth or Dare!
Question: What would you do for free beer?

Answer: Join the Republicans.
HaHa, last week nearly 50 mostly uncommitted Republican voters gathered in Barrington for a debate-watch party.
Second Republican debate fails to impress uncommitted GOP voters
Is that the truth? There can't be 50 Republican voters in Lake County, let alone in Barrington. How does anyone scare up 50 GOP voters for a debate watch party?

Well, this is how it is done. You give away free booze:
As the wine and beer kept flowing, the watch party became more "party" than "watch."
Second Republican debate fails to impress uncommitted GOP voters
The technique of sweettalking your voters with free liquor is as old as the Republic itself:
George Washington Plied Voters with Booze
Note to Ops: Do not try this on election day.

Saturday, September 30, 2023

The Last Leg of the Trip

Ay, Ay, Ay, Ay!
The McHenry County man who shot himself in the foot stumbled into the spider-verse last week and he is now the Mexico man who shot himself in the foot:
An investigation is continuing in Mexico after a man was injured in a shots fired incident Sunday, September 24, 2023.
Mexico Man Reportedly Shoots Himself In The Foot In Shots Fired Incident
One tourism brochure said: "If you are going to shoot yourself in the foot, by all means do it in Mexico. Where lethal high-caliber AR-15 assault weapons are illegal."

Does the 2nd Amendment guarantee an American in Mexico the right to carry an assault weapon?

McHenry County States Attorney Patrick Kenneally
McHenry County state’s attorney files lawsuit against Illinois ‘assault weapon,’ high-capacity magazine ban
... was unavailable for comment.