Monday, January 24, 2022

Less-Than Signs

Your LakeCountyEye has spotted an important new trend. Two years ago there was a primary election, and 2022 will have a primary election as well.

And if that don't beat all, Lake County favorite son Mark Curran will be on your primary ballot again. Curran wants to be your next Illinois Supreme Court Justice.

Curran's opponents have outraised him in the last quarter by a factor of fifty-to-one:

But perennial candidates like Mark Curran have something better than money: ballot name recognition.  His 2020 yardsigns have been seen by motorists up and down the state:
And there is an election life-hack that is exclusively available to perennnial candidates. Candidates shouldn't throw away old campaign material. These can be repurposed instead:
No one else will be any wiser, while you save 98 cents on the dollar!

Wednesday, January 19, 2022

Some Additional Shipping Fees

What are the two happiest days in a boater's life? When he buys his boat and when he sells the boat.

The moral of the story? Never rent a boat.

HaHa, the Village of Third Lake does not want you renting any boats either. Because they do not know how to tax you:
Note to Ops: If you do rent a boat on Third Lake make sure it is equipped with a radar detector. Just sayin!

Friday, January 14, 2022

Get Rich Quick

Like Port Barrington, which has no port, the new casino in Waukegan has no casino:
Designs for Full House Resorts' temporary American Place casino in Waukegan are proceeding, as the company continues on its path to open its initial gaming establishment in July ahead of a permanent resort in approximately two years.
Plans coming together for July opening of temporary Waukegan casino, initial hiring of 'hundreds of people'
With no one able to wait for a real casino built in Waukegan, a quick-and-dirty short-term bivouac will be fabricated, and put on-line for at least the foreseeable future:
the temporary casino will be approximately 65,000 square feet. Sprung Structures will build the facility quickly with an aluminum frame and membrane covering. "It's like a high-tension tent"
Plans coming together for July opening of temporary Waukegan casino, initial hiring of 'hundreds of people'
How does a pop-up gambling den square-up with current Illinois law? Men from the Gambling Commission were on-hand explain it all for you:

Oldest Established Permanent Floating Crap Game
Gambling problem?
Dial: 1-800-522-4700

Monday, January 10, 2022

An Ounce of Prevention is Worth a Pound of Cure

Playing against type, the McHenryCountyBlog is uncowed. They are uncowed by the risks of COVID -- believing that Cook County vaccination mandates will directly benefit businesses in McHenry County:
If you go there to escape the tyranny of being vaccinated, however, don't try to book a room in a McHenry County hospital:
The number of people admitted to the hospital with COVID-19 hit a pandemic record during the last week of December
McHenry County hospital admissions at record level for COVID-19
Rise in virus cases puts pressure on local hospital systems
While the McHenry County hospitals are full, it is unknown if the same goes for the McHenry County bughouse. The dogmatic theocrats at the McHenryCountyBlog might know.

Thursday, January 6, 2022

The Barmy of Avon

Take a pillax.
Public health officials have issued a warning alert for Avon Township. Residents there are being asked to refrain from discharging their firearms into the ground. It would appear that Avon Township is accumulating too much lead in its groundwater.

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Tuesday, January 4, 2022

Dressed to Swill?

Does that ugly sweater from your significant Santa make all the sugar-plums want to scatter? Next year give each of your gift-providers a ...
Lake County Gazette Christmas Gift Guide:
Top Beer Gifts
For the record, your LakeCountyEye drinks a size 4 IPA, off the rack.

Bonus Fact: Content for the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source) is provided by Russian misinformation bots.

Friday, December 31, 2021

The Heavenly Heist

Face it. No one ever makes good on their New Year's resolutions. So why not sign up for a LakeCountyEye MasterClass® instead?

Enroll today to be eligible for this week's LakeCountyEye MasterClass:
How to Draw Pictures in the Style of the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist®
Lesson #1
Find some clipart on the Internet:
Lesson #2
Flip the image and then squish it.  Imbue that sketch with some aesthetic street-cred:
Lesson #3
Then copy-and-paste into your picture:
Lesson #4
Now draw a fig-leaf for the Tribune Creepy Cartoonist. He got nothing on you.

Hurry! Supplies are limited.

Monday, December 27, 2021

Which of These People are Behind Bars?

Dick Barr, a Lake County Board Commissioner, alleges that his car was robbed on Christmas Eve. His proof is a porch-cam video of his driveway:
Did Dick Barr file a police report? If not, then why not? If someone broke into your car on your driveway, wouldn't you call the police?

In Chicago there is a code of silence that they call don't snitch:
It's an old problem and an old code — "don't snitch." And it exists everywhere. But in Chicago, where homicides and shootings are up significantly this year, that old code is leaving a rising number of violent crimes unsolved.
In Chicago, Violence Soars And Witnesses Go Silent
But isn't Lake County supposed to be better than Chicago? Shouldn't Dick Barr march right down to the Round Lake Beach Police Headquarters and tell them everything he knows?  If he hasn't already, why hasn't he?

And Dick Barr absolutely needs to show the police the video.  That's because even though Lake County has not seen any snow since last March, the video shows a solid coat of snow on the ground. And Dick Barr, an actual elected Lake County Board Commissioner, will need to explain where all that snow came from.

Because the police aren't stupid.

Saturday, December 25, 2021

Some Guys Belong Behind Bars

Lake County Board Member Dick Barr filed an unbelievable report on social media, claiming his car was burglarized at his Round Lake Beach home, twice on Christmas Eve:
Lake County Board Member Dick Barr posted security camera videos early Christmas Day on social media showing his car being burglarized twice. The security camera video showed a masked suspect getting out of the passenger side of a vehicle and running up to Barr's vehicle that was parked in the driveway of his Round Lake Beach home.
Lake County board member says his car was burglarized twice on Christmas Eve while he was delivering presents
This is a photo from Barr's video:
Now, anyone who lives in Lake County knows there hasn't been any snow on the ground since last March -- unlike what you see in Dick Barr's photo:
Your LakeCountyEye checked the Round Lake Beach weather report:
The temperature there on Dec 24 was a balmy 54 degrees. Precipitation was .02 inches (about average for the Gobi desert).

Source:
Weather History for KILROUND40 (Round Lake Beach)
Your LakeCountyEye suspects the perp got away with a load of baloney.

Friday, December 24, 2021

Sneezin's Greetings

Secret Santa
Did Santa Claus bring a COVID test-kit and put one in your stocking? If Santa had read the label correctly he would have put it in your nose.

HaHa.

There is good news for anyone who lives in Lake County. You are less likely to have COVID than those who live in McHenry County. Twice as less likely as those in Wisconsin:
New cases of COVID-19 in Lake County increased 72.23% in the past week, to 370.4 per 100,000 residents as of Friday, according to the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention website. In suburban Cook County, the average is 299.83 new cases, a 62.16% jump. The numbers are more pronounced in McHenry County to the west, with 521.81 new cases per 100,000 residents, a 56.38% increase; and across the state line in Kenosha County, Wisconsin, the average is 821, a jump of 77%, according to the CDC.
Lake County’s COVID cases increase, as it continues to lead state in vaccination rate
The bad news is Santa had been down every chimney in McHenry County before he even flew into your town. And every chimney in Wisconsin as well. So whatever it is that Santa left under your tree, creosote is the least of your worries.

2021 Xmas holiday hack: The Ivermectin you got from your MAGA uncle is FDA approved for use on reindeer.

Tuesday, December 21, 2021

What a Nudge

Is that a gun in your pocket or you just happy to see me?
How bad does hasbeen Lake County favorite son Ted Nugent want to gin up sales for his new CD? So bad, he sent a copy to the President:
TED NUGENT Says He Sent A Copy Of His Latest 'Pro-Gun' Song To President JOE BIDEN
The CD, which contains these lyrics ...
Come and take it
Go ahead and try go ahead and die
comes with high hopes to be a big hit when played at the next State of the Union Address.

In related news, an environmentally conscious Lake County will be banning single-use plastics:
In what was described as a small but important step, the Lake County Board on Tuesday adopted a policy banning the use of single-use plastics at its operations by Jan. 1, 2023.
Lake County Board adopts policy banning single-use plastics by 2023
A County official told your LakeCountyEye: "Absolutely, Ted Nugent's CD will be covered by the ban. Nobody ever listens to a Ted Nugent record more than one time."

Sunday, December 19, 2021

Secret Weapon

Happiness is a Warm Gun (Lennon/McCartney)
There are many revelations yet to be disclosed by the Capitol Riot Investigation. One of the most shocking is that the President has a Secret Santa: Ted Nugent.

HaHa.

Honorary Lake County favorite son Ted Nugent sent one of his songs to Joe Biden for Christmas. Nugent says the ballad ...
is a love song to the punks in our government who think that they have the right to infringe on our constitutionally guaranteed, God-given individual freedoms. So I sent them a love song. In fact, I sent a copy of 'Come And Take It' to [U.S. president] Joe Biden
TED NUGENT Says He Sent A Copy Of His Latest ‘Pro-Gun’ Song To President JOE BIDEN
Come and take it
Come and take it
Go ahead and try go ahead and die
Come and take it


Come and Take It
Ted Nugent
There is no truth to the rumor that Ted Nugent's Secret Santa is a Secret Service agent.

Friday, December 17, 2021

What's the Beef?

... said the three-legged wedding usher.
That sound of a roaring freight train you hear is not a deadly tornado. It is a deadly freight train:
It's 2013 again, only instead of Barrington leading the charge against the Canadian National's acquisition of the EJ & E Railroad, this time several suburbs along the Irving Park Road corridor are organizing to oppose Canadian Pacific's merger with Kansas City Southern.
Suburbanites have till Friday to speak up about rail merger
More trains on the ground will mean more money in the pocket of someone, to say the least.

An industry spokesman told your LakeCountyEye: "Of course, any increase in rail traffic will mean an increase in exploding oil trains. We are taking all the necessary safeguards by installing extra-heavy-duty cow-catchers on all of our engines."

Tyson the Bison, Lake County's runaway buffalo, was unavailable for comment.

Monday, December 13, 2021

Oh Give Me a Home

Uncirculated Condition
Do you have a lost pet? Sadly, the Sheriff's Dept does not have the resources to help. If your pet is an American Bison however, well that's another story:
Authorities said the owner of the animal reported it missing to the Lake County Sheriff's Office in mid-September.
Sheriff warns residents not to approach ‘Tyson the Bison’ which has been on loose for months in Lake County
This lost bison ...
is making a name for herself in the Cary area, an hour northwest of Chicago, with citizens posting photos and videos of her on Facebook, along with jokes and statements of support. A local artist has painted a portrait of the wily bovine — dubbed Billy by her fans.
A runaway buffalo roams the streets of suburban Cary, inspiring social media posts, art and Sasquatch comparisons: ‘Are we dreaming this?’
Going by several aliases -- such as "Tyson the Byson" and "Buffalo Billy" -- the runaway ungulate has eluded capture because no one knows exactly which name they need to to call out. One thing is known, there are ten names the bison does not answer to:
10 Rejected Names for
the Lake County Lost Bison
  1. Joe Blow the Buffalo

  2. Terramycin the Bison

  3. Covid the Bovid

  4. Buffalo Bill Barr

  5. Lice In the Bison

  6. Bueller? Bueller? Bueller?

  7. Buffalo Chip

  8. The Grove Formerly Known as Buffalo

  9. The Notorious B.I.S.O.N.

  10. Yertle the Bison
Look for your LakeCountyEye in Buffalo NY.

Wednesday, December 8, 2021

The Revolution Will Not be Tote-Bag-ized

Question of the Day: Why are Governors Ron DeSantis and Greg Abbott, US Senator Ted Cruz, and US Reps Jeff Duncan, Bill Posey and Lauren Boebert all chanting Let's Go Brandon?

The short Answer:
Let's Go Brandon
is the alt-right's new rebel yell.

It is ...
a euphemism that many people in conservative circles are using in place of saying, "F*** Joe Biden."
Here's what 'Let's Go, Brandon' actually means and how it made its way to Congress
That's right, Let's Go Brandon is your way of giving the middle finger to Joe Biden.

And if you itch to flip off the President, then why not do it with a Let's Go Brandon Tote Bag? You heard that correct, the McHenry County GOP will be giving away Let's Go Brandon tote bags at their next fundraiser:
Just in time for the holidays, why not give a Let's Go Brandon tote bag to that hard-to-shop-for grandparent? Or take one to that next Secret Santa office party? Is there a better way to publicly declare your allegiance to the resistance?

Best of all, these are easy to carry when you're at church or the grocery store or just out caroling. Nothing says "I am an insurrectionist" like your Let's Go Brandon tote bag!