Tuesday, April 23, 2019

Rockin' Pneumonia and the Boogie Woogie Flu

Journey to the Center of the Mind
Just when you thought it was safe to send your hazmat suit to the cleaners:
The Lake County Health Department and Community Health Center is alerting residents of possible exposure to measles in north suburban Cook County. On March 27, 2019, the Cook County Department of Public Health reported a confirmed case of measles. The patient visited several locations near the border of Lake and Cook Counties before realizing he/she had measles.
Person with Measles Visited Locations Near Lake County Border
Does Lake County need a southern border wall? Your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, the Mysophobia Professor of Epidemiology at the College of Lake County.

"Ya, Lake County should impose a quarantine." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But not against Cook County.  There should be a blockade around McHenry County."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Come again?

Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi produced a newspaper clipping on his PDA:
The booking of controversial rock musician Ted Nugent at this year's McHenry County Fair has resulted in a war of words on social media. Those opposed to his planned performance on Aug. 3 say Nugent's history of "despicable," "vulgar" and "divisive" speech is not what the family-friendly fair stands for and that he should not perform. Nugent's supporters say he is entitled to exercise his freedom of speech and have called the naysayers "snowflake democrats" and "liberal pigs," among other names.
Controversial rocker Ted Nugent is booked for McHenry County Fair. Not everyone is happy.
Was your LakeCountyEye supposed to conclude that McHenry County should be put under quarantine because they booked Ted Nugent to their County Fair?

"Absolutely." shouted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Do you think the Motor City Madman has been vaccinated?"

Probably not.

"It's the same story with any of these rock'n'roll bands." explained Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "They blow into town for a one-night-stand. Then leave in their wake the next day a trail of infection and disease."

Good to know.

"And who," continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "would count on any of these performers to wash their hands after going?"

Not your LakeCountyEye.

"You know, entertainers like these never play with any protection." confided Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "How many impressionable young McHenry County farmer's daughters will be escorted backstage -- only to return home the next day carrying God knows what?"

Would they be contagious?

"Ted Nugent and his band of three-chord minutemen," continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi "are gun lovers who live survivalist-style in Michigan deep-woods compounds. How many animal-to-human diseases do you think those campers are exposed to?"

A lot?

"Let me put that in some perspective." grimaced Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "If I had front-row tickets to one of their shows, at the very least I'd spray myself for ticks before going home."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives that the Illinois EPA has issued a Summer advisory warning: Avoid being anywhere downwind of the McHenry County Fair."

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