Monday, March 18, 2019

Vice Chair

The actual unretouched Cuba Township Republican Committeeman List:

Cuba Republican Committeemen
The C stands for Township Chairman:
Your LakeCountyEye would like to be the spycam fly on the wall at those Cuba Township Republican Committeemen meetings.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Drivel License

An actual unretouched screenshot of the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 source of fake news:

Village of Cary Liquor License Violation will meet March 15
For the record, liquor violations occur so frequently in the Village of Cary that these have taken to meeting on a monthly basis.

Haha, j/k.

The Russian Twitter Bot that generates all Lake County Gazette news items had its hard-drive crash in 2016. And since then it has been a random word generator.

No one who subscribes to the Lake County Gazette noticed.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Get Off Schock-Free

Press 1 if you are Not Guilty.  Press 2 if you are Guilty.
Honorary Lake County Ex-GOP-Congressman Aaron Schock got dealt a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card:
In a surprise move, federal prosecutors in Chicago announced they had agreed to drop all charges against Schock in what's known as a deferred prosecution.
Prosecutors in Chicago to drop charges against former U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock if he pays back IRS, campaign
Schock had been indicted for misusing Federal campaign money. These are similar charges that had sent former US Rep Jesse Jackson Jr to prison for 2 1/2 years.

As a general rule, it goes without saying, never pinch pennies when it comes to legal counsel.

Note to Lake County GOP Ops: If your legal representation is not up to snuff, it may be time to switch lawyers. Give Aaron Schock a call. Just because there is an R after your name, that doesn't mean you can expect a pardon. Just Sayin!

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Close Enough for Anti-Government Work

An actual unretouched screencap from Lake County's #1 fake news source, the Lake County Gazette:

Top 10 campaign contribution recipients
in Lake County for the week of 2019-02-11
For the record, it is widely believed that three is not equal to ten.

The discrepancy has been attributed to the Russian Twitter Bot that produces the Lake County Gazette fakenews stories. One knowledgeable source, who spoke on condition of perspicacity, offered an explanation: "Those Eastern-Bloc fake-news-generating algorithms all use metric system numbers."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Friday, March 1, 2019

There are No Atheists in a Pothole

... so big, that even the potholes have potholes.
Since driving on a permanently revoked license is against the law, your LakeCountyEye normally turns a blind eye to this sort of story:
Road crews are hoping for a break from the snow that will allow them to catch up on the recent crop of potholes following the freeze and thaw cycles. Drivers who spot issues can find reporting forms for the Lake County Division of Transportation at lakecountyil.gov or Illinois Department of Transportation at www.idot.illinois.gov.
Spot a pothole in Lake County? Here's how to report it
To dig up the lowdown, your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Blackburn-Lancashire Roads Scholar at the College of Lake County.

"Dude, I am hungry." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "My airplane had a layover in one of those Caribbean pothole countries. You know, where the ganja is legal."

Different kind of pothole, your LakeCountyEye was quick to point out.

Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi giggled: "No way!"

Way.

Then Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi was suddenly all frowns: "Haha I'm cool, cool with that. I will say that IDOT has issued a severe pothole warning for all of Lake County. Motorists are asked to stay home. Those who cannot are asked to call Uber."

How big are these hazards?

"I'm glad you asked." grinned Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The potholes in Lake County are so big that entire vehicles are being swallowed. And we're not talking Yugos. We're talking Camrys, even Tauruses."

Hard to believe.

"Believe me." trumpeted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Scientists found a number of Lake County potholes which go down so deep that even light cannot escape. One has an event horizon that extends completely through McHenry County."

Is it like they will ever notice a difference?

"That baby has it's own zipcode." added Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Is that how the scientists keep track of them?

"No." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Have you noticed how climatologists are now giving names even to local storms?"

So as to gin up public interest in what otherwise would have been some run-of-the-mill weather event?

"Exactly." nodded Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And transportation officials are now giving names to the Lake County potholes."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Get out!

"There is one named pothole near the Bog State Natural Area called the Holo in Volo." continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Another one in front of the Waukegan Court House has been christened the Judge Crater. And if you're driving by Gurnee Mills, watch out for the Grand Wazoo."

Your LakeCountyEye had heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives relief is in sight. Foxconn has agreed to buy all of Lake County's potholes to store their industrial waste. Their radioactive runoff will be diverted into the holes, and is expected to harden within 10,000 years. And then the County roads will be like brand new!"

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Promised Land

holy land
Today's pop quiz is multiple choice:
Q:Who Said:
Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
A: Jesus
 Mark Twain
The correct answer is:
 Mark Twain
In related news, the Archdiocese of Chicago anticipates to gain $15 million from a 40 acre sale of land in Libertyville to a housing developer:
A Lake County judge has overruled Libertyville officials' decision in 2017 to deny a 148-house development on property at the former Mundelein Seminary. The decision Friday by Lake County Judge Michael Fusz now allows the Catholic Bishop of Chicago and its contracted buyer to proceed. The ruling comes after the Archdiocese of Chicago quickly filed a lawsuit once Libertyville denied proposed zoning changes and permits for the project in 2017.
Judge overrules Libertyville in land-use lawsuit, grants housing project on Archdiocese of Chicago property
Local residents were, if nothing else, righteously indignant. They raised a holy stink over the deal:
The issue galvanized neighbors in opposition. Hundreds attended public hearings and the village board meeting where the final decisions were made.
Candidates support appeal of court decision against Libertyville
Others however were eager to defend the deal. One celestial spokesman spoke on condition of celestiality: "We had wanted to sell the land to Foxconn. But they got a better deal in Wisconsin."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Nothing to see here, get off the lawn.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Dedistricting

drain the swamp
If you are anything like your LakeCountyEye you wouldn't know a Drainage District from a hole in the ground. How many Drainage Districts are there in Lake County? One fewer than you thought:
A century-old relic of Lake County's agricultural past officially has been retired. The Lake County Board on Tuesday voted to dissolve the Seavey Drainage District, marking the end of a unit of government officials say has outlived its purpose.
Lake County dissolves inactive government body: the Seavey Drainage District
A Drainage District, as its name suggests, is a unit of government with authority to levy taxes. It is also a unit of government that nobody knows about -- but that won't stop nobody from wanting to eliminate it anyways.

Independent auditors recently made an unexpected discovery: in Lake County the layers of Government go all of the way down. And these are not all Drainage Districts. Your LakeCountyEye did some digging and flushed out a whole slew of Lake County taxing bodies that no one knows about. Ten to be exact:
10 Little Known
Lake County Units of Government
  1. Red Light Camera District

  2. Eminent Domainage District

  3. Toxic Gas Cloud District

  4. Mosquito Abatement District
    Not to be Confused with Toxic Gas District

  5. Chain O'Lakes Drinking District

  6. Police Revenue Generating District

  7. Endangered Lake County GOP Habitat Preserve

  8. Foxconn Industrial Waste District

  9. Stupid Premise for an Internet Top 10 List District

  10. Lake County Southern Border Wall District
Look for your LakeCountyEye circling the Drainage District near you.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

The Elephant in the Room

The Creepy Chicago Tribune CartoonistTM cannot hide his contempt for RINOs Rhinos. He drew this picture of a Rhinoceros in a tee-shirt that reads: $22 TRILLION NATIONAL DEBT

You know what won't be mentioned in the State of the Union?
The drawing implies that the African Black Rhinoceros is the reason why the US Government owes its creditors $22 Trillion.

Why does the Tribune Creepy Cartoonist bear this sort of ill will against critically endangered African mega-fauna? A large animal like a rhino would be a convenient choice for symbolizing something as big as $22 Trillion. But there are other African mammals that could just as easily represent the enormous national debt.

Like the elephant.

The elephant weighs more than two times the rhinoceros and can consume 300 lbs of food per day -- again more than twice the rhino. But your LakeCountyEye has never seen the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist use an elephant to symbolize the national debt. Why not?

The elephant would be a good choice to illustrate other national concerns as well. Like government corruption. Has the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist ever chosen an elephant to depict the scandals at the highest level of the US Government now under investigation? Your LakeCountyEye does not think so.

And what about Climate Change and Gun Violence and the high cost of Health Care? Has the Creepy Chicago Tribune Cartoonist ever symbolized any of these with the picture of an elephant? No, No and No.

Is there something obvious that your LakeCountyEye is missing?

Monday, February 4, 2019

Hit the Road

Your brand is your business.
Townships are like snowflakes. No two are alike.

Some Townships have many many miles of roads. Others have very few roads. All Townships however have a Highway Department.

But as readers of this blog are aware ...
Meet the New Bill
A handful of Townships could lose their Highway Departments if a Bill becomes Illinois Law. The Law gives voters the power to eliminate some Lake County Township Highway Departments:
six county townships with less than 15 miles of roads to maintain could be effected by elimination referendums. They include Avon, Newport, Shields, Vernon, Waukegan and West Deerfield.
Avenue open to drive off some township road posts
Townships with more than 15 miles of road will not be affected.

While some snowflake Township Officials strongly oppose the Law, do not expect any Lake County Township Highway Departments to disappear any time soon. One pseudonymous official told your LakeCountyEye under conditions of pseudonymity: "Even if the Bill becomes Law, once they build the Route 53 Extension, every Township will have hundreds of miles of road to maintain."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Notes From We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent

Your LakeCountyEye has discovered that the Polar Vortex was caused by some cold calculations made in Old Mill Creek.

Haha, as readers of this blog are aware ...
We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent
... the Old Mill Creek Village Board recently discussed a motion that would, in effect, remove a certified candidate from their election ballot.
There is one candidate running for the office of Old Mill Creek Village Clerk in the 2019 municipal election. But two weeks ago the Old Mill Creek Village board considered a motion to change their Village Clerk from an elected to an appointed position -- a motion that could have nullified the 2019 election for the candidate.  No elected position means no pesky candidate, no more!

The motion was discussed for more than 20 minutes. Ultimately, counsel convinced the Board that they lacked the legal authority to pass a law that would strike an elected office from an upcoming election ballot. And your LakeCountyEye reported that the Board dropped the motion.

One Sharpeyed Operative has pointed out that the motion was in fact brought to a vote. And was voted down.

This is correct. However, the motion was changed so as to be effective when the term of the next Village Clerk expired. It would not have nullified the outcome of the 2019 election.

The Old Mill Creek paper shredding machine was unavailable for comment.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent

This week's QOTD is a story problem:
Q:Suppose you are a banana republic or a one party dictatorship. And suppose an election is scheduled where it looks like the unwelcome candidate will win. Can you cancel the election?
A:False.
Haha, this was a trick question. You can cancel the election if you are a banana republic, a one party dictatorship, or a Lake County Village.

On Apr 2, 2019 the residents of Old Mill Creek will have have an opportunity to vote for their Village Clerk in the consolidated election. There is only one candidate for Village Clerk on their ballot. And members of the Old Mill Creek Village Board apparently are none too pleased. So none-too-pleased in fact, that they put the issue on the agenda of their Jan 14 Village Board Meeting:
8.1 Change Village Clerk from Elected Position to Appointed Position
The board discussed whether they could strike the Village Clerk from their upcoming 2019 ballot by making Village Clerk an appointed position:

2019 01 14 OMC Board 8 1 Village Clerk
The motion was dropped when it was decided that the Village Board did not have the legal authority to, in effect, nullify an election.  Old Mill Creek residents are advised to vote early anyways.

Monday, January 21, 2019

January 23rd is Lake County Poverty Awareness Day



The Lake County Community Foundation (LCCF) and its “START SOMETHING campaign” is proud to celebrate the first year since its declaration of Lake County Poverty Awareness Day and the impact it has had driving positive change throughout the region.

Sandy Hart, new Chair of the Lake County Board Board shares her proclamation declaring January 23, 2019, as "Lake County Poverty Awareness Day".

Many municipalities declared their own Poverty Awareness Day. Here are examples of what has been accomplished as a result of the 2018 Poverty Awareness Day:
  • The Alliance for Human Services, a coalition of over 30 health and human service organizations across Lake County, has committed to providing hands-on professional development opportunities for its members and other community stakeholders to further understand the issues of suburban poverty and how we can work together to collaboratively address them.
  • LCCF has begun to see positive progress through its collaborative efforts to increase access to affordable, nutritious food throughout Lake County. The food insecurity rate continues to decline. More Lake County residents have greater access to fresh produce. And a focused effort has been made to target Lake County communities that have high food insecurity rates. These areas include northwest, northeast and southeast Lake County.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Meet the New Bill

Government redundancy.
Global Warming notwithstanding, David McSweeney was given a snow job. Last week, ex-abominable Governor Bruce Rauner vetoed a bill sponsored by McSweeney -- one that could dismantle some Lake County Townships.

But while Governor Rauner needs to be spoken of in the past tense, David McSweeney continues to be the sole remaining Lake County GOP lawmaker in Springfield. McSweeney has promised to resuscitate the bill:
State Rep. David McSweeney pledged Monday to reintroduce a plan to make it easier for McHenry County voters to abolish local townships after it was vetoed by outgoing Gov. Bruce Rauner. The plan also would have required townships in Lake and McHenry counties to dissolve road districts that maintain less than 15 miles.
McSweeney vows to continue push for suburban consolidation plan despite veto
Surprisingly, local Township office holders were cool and collected. One unnamed official, speaking on condition of not being named, said: "We simply won't plow the roads. Is that snow I see? It looks like nobody will be going to Springfield any time soon. Not before the Spring thaw."

Furloughed government climate scientists were unavailable for comment.