Friday, September 30, 2016

Shadow Congressman

Your LakeCountyEye has been up all night, generating fake Trump Tweets: But your LakeCountyEye only got the attention of the Daily Herald when Peter Roskam refused to participate in a League of Women Voters debate. Impersonating a League representative, your LakeCountyEye sent this Tweet to Roskam:
The Daily Herald printed this story the next day:
Could there be a debate between 6th District U.S. Rep. Peter Roskam and his Democratic opponent for the first time in eight years? A coalition of suburban League of Women Voters groups is pushing hard for one.
Lester: Will Roskam debate for first time in 8 years?
Those who do not know what Peter Roskam looks like, and care to see him in the flesh, should reserve a seat at the Oct. 16 League of Women Voters debate in Glen Ellyn.

Haha, j/k. Lake County's vestigial Congressman Peter Roskam has not debated a Democratic opponent since 2008. This is what a Roskam spokesman told the Daily Herald:
"As you know, he is regularly available to his constituents on the telephone, at town halls, at meetings around the district, and at his local office," spokesman David Pasch wrote in an emailed statement.
Lester: Will Roskam debate for first time in 8 years?
Sources say that Peter Roskam will accept the League's invitation provided he is allowed to debate via speakerphone. The same source told your LakeCountyEye that Roskam looks a little like Charlie's Angels ...

Tuesday, September 27, 2016

Big Peter is Watching You

This is not a good week for GOP debate participants. Peter Roskam, Lake County's vestigial Congressman, told the League of Women Voters that he would not participate in their Oct 16 debate, in Glen Ellyn. A League representative responded to Roskam on Twitter:
#You Can Run But You Can't Hide!
Haha, j/k.

You Can Run But You Can't Hide however is the subliminal message of this Roskam campaign mailer:
Absolutely, your LakeCountyEye wishes to hit the red DECLINE button whenever contacted by a candidate. But when Peter Roskam calls he doesn't take No for an answer:

"Sorry I missed you on my telephone townhall.
I hope you can join next time.
True enough. Having had used up all the minutes on the flipphone, your LakeCountyEye did not respond to the Roskam telephone townhall. But it was nice of them to keep tabs, anyways. Doubtless a lot of time and expense goes into monitoring who answers the phone, and who does not.

Your LakeCountyEye asked a source at the Roskam campaign. This source denied that the NSA was providing them with warrantless telecom surveillance data. The same source, however, did confirm that Peter Roskam voted to maintain the Patriot Act in 2011, and extend the government's roving wiretap program:
Peter Roskam on Homeland Security
Note to Ops: Intelligence gathering is mostly a matter of connecting the dots.

Saturday, September 24, 2016


Around this time of the year, the two most important words in the English Language are ...
Just ask any drinking game player.

The first presidential debate begins Monday, September 26, at 8pm CST. And the rules for debate drinking are simple:
  1. Select a Candidate.
  2. Wait for the candidate to voice a keyword or catchphrase.
  3. Take a drink!
Official debate drinking game rules are posted on the Illinois Republican Party website:

Make America Great Again
Bottoms up!

Friday, September 23, 2016

A Sign of the Apocalypse?

Only $1,495 Even though 16 out of every 1000 McHenry County residents carry concealed weapons, the County is in the jaws of a crime wave. According to the tireless tax fighters at the McHenryCountyBlog, their Donald Trump yardsigns are being stolen:
Yesterday, on my way back from church, I notice that my Donald Trump sign was missing.
Trump Sign Stolen
The second yard sign supporting Donald Trump for President has disappeared from in front of our home.
Message of the Day – Sign Gone
Finding a replacement sign is easier said than done. Trump badly trails in statewide polls, and his campaign is not expected to be sharing their yardsigns with Illinois any time soon.

According to the Illinois Republican Party ...


You can show your support for Mr. Trump and Governor Pence by purchasing a yard sign through the campaign by clicking here. The Illinois campaign has a limited number of yard signs as well. Please contact Mitchell Bence at The campaign will likely not be able to meet the extraordinary demand for yard signs. To ensure a sign is delivered to your neighborhood, you can purchase a sign by clicking here.
Make America Great Again
$20 gets you an Official Trump-Pence 2016 Yard Sign (Set of 2), from Donald J. Trump for President, Inc.

Note to Operatives: Your LakeCountyEye knows where there is a reliable supply of FREE Trump signs. But you have to go to McHenry County.

Wednesday, September 21, 2016

Not Open to Debate

No Rebuttles Hell hath no fury like a League of Women Voters scorned.

The League sponsors debates every election cycle, inviting incumbent officeholders to defend their records. And every year those incumbents don't show up.

Well, wise guys, this year is going to be different. The Shaw Media talked to LWV member Gail Kalinich and ...
the leagues representing Glen Ellyn, Wheaton, Naperville, Elmhurst, Palatine, Downers Grove, Woodridge, Lisle, McHenry County and central Kane County decided they would use their collective clout to accumulate as many candidates as possible to speak Oct. 16 to the public at a joint forum in Glen Ellyn. So far, Kalinich said, it has been a success, gaining RSVPs from the vast majority of candidates in contested seats in the districts in their area.
League of Women Voters groups join forces to press candidates into forum participation
One candidate NOT-RSVPing is Lake County's vestigial Congressman, Peter Roskam. Your LakeCountyEye has learned that Roskam will not be attending, and sends his regrets. If this one is like any of the past ten or so debates that Roskam has dodged, he had plenty of regrets to choose from:
Peter Roskam's 10 Most Often Used Excuses for Declining an Invitation to Debate
  1. He does not support the 19th Amendment.

  2. Important Hair Club for Men meeting scheduled same night.

  3. ... Keynote Speaker: Donald Trump

  4. Does not believe the voters have a right to choose.

  5. Can't cross a CTU picket line.

  6. Inadvertently typed BENGHAZI into the GPS.

  7. Sorry I missed you on my telephone town hall. I hope you can join me next time.

  8. Can we relocate the debate to Taiwan? No? How about Myanmar?

  9. Will debate only after tax audit is complete.

  10. "Oh, absolutely. My people will call your people."
Look for your LakeCountyEye at the LWV candidate's debate, Glen Ellyn, Oct 16 ... haha, j/k.

Saturday, September 17, 2016

A Big Map Attack

Alongside press releases from GOP candidates made to look like real news stories, the 100% independent Lake County Gazette printed a piece about the Independent Map Amendment:
This week, Illinois Republican Party spokesman Steven Yaffe blasted Democrats in the Assembly for their failure to stand up for the Independent Map Amendment ballot measure.
State GOP lashes out at Dems for silence as 'machine' blocks fair-maps measure
Not coincidentally, your LakeCountyEye set the GPS to chart a beeline for Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Creative Cartography at the College of Lake County.

"Gerrymandering is a tradition that dates back to the earliest days of the Republic." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Do you know which animal the original gerrymander map looked like?"

A salamander?
"Wrong!" barked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The correct answer is a beaver."

A beaver?

"Correct." repeated Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The practice was named for Gerry Manders, as the Beaver."
Your LakeCountyEye did not know that.

"Ya, the spoilsports in the Illinois Supreme Court will not let the spoilsports in the Governor's mansion redraw the legislative maps." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Can you think of any other way that the Republicans can possibly raise their numbers in Springfield?"

Other than wholesale voter suppression, your LakeCountyEye could not.

"Well the people will not take this lying down." stated Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Governor Rauner appointed me to chair a blueribbon commission. And we advised him that if it is illegal to move the map lines, then why not move the people instead?"

Your LakeCountyEye did not follow.

"We can achieve the same goals of a Fair Map Amendment either by changing how the legislative district lines are drawn -- or instead by relocating voters into the districts where they are supposed to be." explained Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Your LakeCountyEye was nonplussed. By force?

"Granted when Donald Trump is President there will be plenty of INS agents available with skills and experience to remove people from their homes." replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But we do not want to attempt anything that untoward. Did you know the Illinois Turnaround Agenda is sitting on top of a ton of unspent Rauner-dollars? These funds can be leveraged into buyout opportunities."

You're going to pay everyone to move?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi shook his head. "Not everyone -- only targeted households. We want to marshal the voters in high-diversity neighborhoods, and move them into moderate-to-low-diversity neighborhoods. The goal is to disperse the electorate in the fair and balanced way envisioned by a Fair Map Agenda."

High-diversity neighborhoods?

"I think you know what I mean." winked Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Your LakeCountyEye wanted to know where these high-diversity voters would be sent. Downstate?

"Nothing that draconian." answered Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "We have reciprocal diversity exchange deals set up with nearby, less-diverse states. Wisconsin, Indiana, Iowa, for instance."

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives that the first 1,000,000 participants get a free cheesehead!"

Wednesday, September 14, 2016

Lawyered Up?

Court Jester
Q:How many lawyers does it take to screw a lightbulb?
A:None. Lawyers only screw people.

Robert Dold, Lake County's serial Congressman, hopes to turn up the legal heat on his opponents. According to the Daily Herald ...
U.S. Rep. Bob Dold's attorneys are demanding that a Democratic political action committee stop linking the Kenilworth Republican to Donald Trump's presidential campaign.
Dold demands PAC stop linking him to Trump
The Trump campaign was quick to issue a strongly worded statement: "Only a total moron would send his attorneys out to file a nuisance suit, and just so as to direct some cheap media attention toward their boss. This completely illustrates the huge difference between Donald Trump and Robert Dold. Loser."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Monday, September 12, 2016

The Case for the Independent Maps Amendment

Adlai Stevenson Center on Democracy
Lori Lightfoot, an attorney supporting the Independent Map Supreme Court Appeal, will speak on the need for reform of the rules and process for drawing Illinois legislative districts in a transparent, fair and impartial manner.
  • Sunday
    September 18, 2016
    2:00 pm
  • The Stevenson Center on Democracy
    25200 N St Mary's Rd
    Mettawa (Libertyville), IL 60048
    773- 281-0378
  • $15
    No Charge for Students
  • Coffee and Conversation Afterwards

Friday, September 9, 2016

Comparison Shopping

... and you're not. Your home is your best investment. Take that from no less an authority than your Township Assessor. The County, by now, has cashed that check you wrote to cover your property tax bill -- and is no doubt spending it all on stupid stuff. So now may be the time to (haha) assess the damages and form an action plan for the future.

As reported on this blog ...
Q the Eye/09.01.16
you can reduce your property taxes by appealing your assessment. This tactic requires no legal representation, is quite effective, and can be executed in three easy steps:
  1. Collect the addresses of homes that are assessed below yours.
  2. Forward those addresses to your Township Assessor, along with a WTF? postit attached.
  3. Watch your assessment crater faster than a Route 12 pothole.
Of course the devil is in the details. Accordingly, your LakeCountyEye will provide some comparable properties that you can start off with:
Pin:  05-23-116-001
Street Address:  26585 W WOOSTER LAKE DR
Land Amount:  $3
Building Amount:  $0
Total Amount:  $3
PIN 05-23-116-001
Pin:  05-23-111-061
Street Address:  0 BLUE SPRINGS DR
Land Amount:  $3
Building Amount:  $0
Total Amount:  $3
PIN 05-23-111-061
Pin:  05-23-202-012
Street Address:  34650 N PARK AVE
Land Amount:  $3
Building Amount:  $0
Total Amount:  $3
PIN 05-23-202-012
Pin:  05-23-200-018
Street Address:  34530 N PARK AVE
Land Amount:  $3
Building Amount:  $0
Total Amount:  $3
PIN 05-23-200-018
h/t Wooster Lake Fish Tales

Note to Ops: Your LakeCountyEye knows where there is some cheap land in Lake County.

Monday, September 5, 2016

Swift Boats

You're gonna need a bigger boat. As if to confirm that Donald Trump's financial empire is under water, the GOP presidential nominee was represented this weekend at the Cardboard Boat Race in Wauconda. The annual Labor Day boat race is held on Bangs Lake. Contestants are challenged to race with boats made out of cardboard and duct tape. The News-Sun talked to ...
Frank Rychlik, who was captain of the Team Trump boat. Rychlik said he entered the race so he could show his support for the Republican candidate. "I work in the construction industry, and things have taken a dump recently," Rychlik said.
Annual cardboard boat race in Wauconda gets political
Operatives with weakened immune systems are advised not to swim in Bangs Lake.

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Weigh anchor.

Thursday, September 1, 2016

Q the Eye/09.01.16

Dear LakeCountyEye,

So if everyone stopped paying their taxes they would have to shut down all the jails. And then they couldn't jail anyone for not paying their taxes.

Are you on board?

Taxed Enough Already
Dear Teed Off,Ὥρος Hōros

Absolutely no one hates to pay taxes more than your LakeCountyEye. The property tax bill is due this week in Lake County, and you could express your displeasure like one particular group of trumbolones did ...
A small group of suburban residents protested their rising property taxes Tuesday at the Lake County treasurer's office by paying with stacks of one-dollar bills. Ten people participated in the orderly protest, organized by a group called Illinois Tax Revolution.
Protesters pay Lake County taxes with dollar bills
Note to Ops: If you do pay your taxes in one-dollar bills, be sure to count each bill individually, out loud. And don't forget to get your receipt!

Now, anyone who has ever carpooled with circus folk will have heard that some trained animals are smarter than others. Most animals bite the stick when you beat them. The smarter animals bite you.

Haha, so if you're a low-information taxpayer, don't make the mistake of biting the stick. Do the smart thing and reduce your tax bill, instead. Either by challenging your assessment. Or by voting-in a Township Assessor who promises to under-value your home. Or even by petitioning to dissolve your local taxing bodies -- your Library District, for instance. C'mon, who reads books any more?

Or you could follow the lead of the Illinois Tax Revolution, instead -- an organization that (your LakeCountyEye notes) has a steering committee manned solely by McHenry County operatives.

Nuff said!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ...

Sunday, August 28, 2016

The Sillery Season

Operatives wishing to drown their sorrows can join Robert Dold next week. Dold -- Lake County's serial congressman -- will be headlining a fundraiser at a local watering hole:

Beat Hillary at the Distillery
To see what's brewing, your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Spirit Communications at the College of Lake County.

"Ya." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "So Donald Trump walks into a bar and orders a 50 foot tall Harvey Wallbanger. The bartender says he can make one ... if Trump can pay for it. Don't worry, says Trump, Mexico will pay for it."

Haha, cute. Your LakeCountyEye produced a clipping from the National Journal:
Rep. Bob Dold (R), who has said he will not support Donald Trump, will headline an anti-Hillary Clinton fundraising event called "Beat Hillary at the Distillery" on Sept. 10.
Dold to Attend Anti-Clinton Event
"Dold is making a smart bet by saying he does not support Trump." said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "No one wants to lose the vote of the undocumented worker."

But isn't Dold saying he wants to defeat Hillary Clinton? Your LakeCountyEye did not see how Robert Dold could have things both ways.

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi nodded. "I don't know either, how anyone can beat Hillary Clinton without supporting Donald Trump. That's like trying to win at poker without any big hands."

Your LakeCountyEye noted that Dold says he is going to vote for a write-in candidate.

"In that case," replied Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "Dold could vote for Chuck Norris. The US Constitution says Chuck Norris doesn't even need to be on the ballot to be elected President."

Your LakeCountyEye pointed out that Chuck Norris does not run for President -- Presidents run for Chuck Norris.

"Then if I were Dold," offered Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "I would tell my people to write-in Brad Schneider for President. If Schneider became President then, according to laws of succession, Dold gets the congressional seat."

Maybe Dold has changed his mind, and he now supports Trump?

"That would give Dold and Trump a lot to share in common, then." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Trump changes his mind every day. If Trump and Dold had the same shoe size they could swap flip-flops."

Is there anything a Robert Dold gains by supporting Donald Trump?

"There would be a job waiting for Dold in a new Trump Administration." noted Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Head croupier at a Department of Homeland Security Casino."

Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Ops in the 10th Congressional District to be sure their resumes are up-to-date by November."

Thursday, August 25, 2016

The Comic Con

Fanatic fans of The Family Circus, Hi & Lois, Mary Worth, Garfield can all rejoice. Your opportunity to dress up in public as your favorite comicbook superhero has arrived. Lake County's Comic Con is on -- and will go all weekend.

The News-Sun has the details ...
When: Aug. 26, 27, 28
Where: Lake County Fairgrounds Convention Center, 1060 E. Peterson Road, Grayslake
Tickets: $5-$7 daily; $10 for three-day pass; free for active military and kids 12 and younger

Count-I-Con adds '80s dance, zombie walk
Note to attendees: costumes are optional but you are advised to know your superheroes. Who wants to say hello to the Swamp Thing, only to be told later that you were chatting up the Man Thing? Not your LakeCountyEye!

For that reason, your LakeCountyEye has assembled a cheat sheet of Lake County's most popular costumed crime-fighters. There are only 10 -- all easy to memorize:
Lake County's 10 All-Time Greatest
Comic Book Characters

  1. Stimpson J Cat

  2. Bullwinkle J Moose

  3. Homer J Simpson

  4. Elmer J Fudd

  5. John J Fadoozle

  6. Wolf J Flywheel

  7. Cuthbert J Twillie

  8. Phineas J Whoopee

  9. Sheldon J Plankton

  10. Donald J Trump
Look for the notorious D J LakeCountyEye, mixing it up.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

Assessing, the Damage

objection oriented programming Unhappy with your assessment? That's because it is the job of the Lake County Assessor to make an ass out of ess and ment.

Haha, those who disagree with their assessment customarily had 30 days to appeal -- by marching down to the election booth, and throwing their Assessor out of office. And voting-in, instead, an Assessor who will value homes at considerably less than the ones over in the next Township.

A lucrative sleight-of-hand like that, however, is going to have a short shelf-life. According to the Daily Herald
Cuba Township Assessor Rebecca Tonigan says her work to fairly set property values has been "undermined" by an appointed Lake County official. Tonigan and other township assessors are questioning why Lake County Chief Assessment Officer Martin Paulson's office kept them out of the most recent property valuation process. The township assessors contend the result without their input was across-the-board percentage increases set by Paulson's office that could lead to higher property taxes.
Lake County assessors clash over property value hikes
Note to Ops: Cuba Township is just across the border from McHenry County. Where homes are still valued the old fashioned way -- by their Township Assessors.

Just Sayin!

Wednesday, August 17, 2016

The Process of Elimination

flush with success Proponents of clean government suffered a setback this week. Governor Rauner signed a Bill that could liquidate some sanitary districts in Lake County.

For details, see this legislator's press release:
The new law allows the Round Lake Sanitary District and Fox Lake Hills Sanitary District to enter into agreements with Lake County to undertake their assets and responsibilities and eventually dissolve.
New law to save Lake County taxpayers’ money
Note to Ops: Sometimes that campaign press release divulges too much information.

Just sayin!