Thursday, February 27, 2020

No Bologna on the Corona

The Coronavirus: Apocalyptic Pandemic? Or media-fired mass hysteria?

To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Professor of Viral Marketing at the College of Lake County.

Your LakeCountyEye dug up Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi inside a sterile room at an undisclosed location.

"Ya." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The Trump Administration is partnering with local mosquito control organizations to make sure this coronovirus never sees the light of day."

Your LakeCountyEye was confused. Local mosquito control organizations?

"The North Shore Mosquito Abatement District. The Northwest Mosquito Abatement District. The Southlake Mosquito Abatement District. Clarke Mosquito." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "All the major sprayers. The biggest, most tremendous sprayers!"

Your LakeCountyEye now was nonplussed. The Trump administration is going to contain the coronavirus by spraying mosquitoes? Surely he wasn't serious.

Crickets ... finally Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi said "Why not?"

Because it is February?

"It's never too early to get a jumpstart on the competition." sighed Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The alternative is to miss the boat and sink like the Titanic."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like, but there is no scientific evidence that the coronavirus is spread by mosquitoes.

"Fake science." sniffed Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And by that I mean there is no fake science evidence that the coronavirus is spread by mosquitoes."

Your LakeCountyEye produced a news item on the mobile device:
The world's largest manufacturer of chlorpyrifos, an agricultural pesticide linked to brain damage in children, has announced that it will stop producing the chemical by the end of the year.
Largest maker of pesticide linked to brain damage in kids to stop producing chemical
Announcement comes after Trump administration reversed plans to ban chlorpyrifos and rejected scientific conclusions of experts
And your LakeCounytEye thought out loud, whoa now, did that say they won't be manufacturing your insecticide any more?

Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi smirked. "We obtain all our nerve agents from eBay. Where the insecticides are tax free!"

Your LakeCountyEye heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives that now is the time to invest in the Stock Market. Prices have been slashed in the petro-chemical sector!"
Mosquitomist Two U.L.V.

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