Thursday, July 6, 2017

The Lifestyle of the Party

survival of the fitness
Note to Ops: unless your lifestyle approaches the lifestyle of the rich and famous be prepared to lose your health insurance. Lake County Congressmen Peter Roskam and Randy Hultgren both voted to repeal your Obamacare. And you're to blame. That's because it's your unhealthy lifestyle that is driving up everyone else's insurance premiums.

Haha, the GOP figured out they can keep their premiums low by excluding from Trumpcare those who make poor life choices. And since your LakeCountyEye has never met an Operative who did not maintain the lifestyle of a college sophomore, they mean you!

Despair not, however. Trumpcare is all about choices. You may choose to pay a lot of money for a junk policy. Either that or you can make some existential choices, live healthy, and forgo health insurance entirely. Either way and whether you like it or not, the GOP will make you adopt a healthy lifestyle.

Despair not, however. Your LakeCountyEye has surveyed the best healthy-living clickbait the Internet has to offer. Not only is a healthy life within reach, but you can get there in 10 easy steps:
Ten Lifestyle Mistakes to Avoid in Lake County
Don't Try Any of This ... ... Unless You're Ready for Some of This!
1.Living Near the Route 53 ExtensionLung Disease, Heart Attack, Stroke
2.Living Near an Exploding Oil Train TrackExploding Oil Trains
3.Living Too Far from Cook CountyMuffin Tops, Bat Wings, Turkey Wattles and Tax-Free Soda
4.Living Too Close to McHenry CountyYou May be a Redneck
5.Jogging in a LCFPDEbola Transmitting Mosquitoes
6.Driving Your CarLake County Sinkholes
7.Getting Out of Your CarTicks!
8.Fourth of JulySee: Exploding Oil Trains
9.Substitute Beer for SunblockSPF Zero
10.Blow Off the Boss's Rubber Pizza Re-Election FundraiserUnemployment Insurance
Look for your LakeCountyEye living it up near you.

No comments: