Thursday, December 23, 2010

Smacktalk the Hackmatack

Dashing through the snow
On a one-horse open sleigh,
O'er the fields we go,
Laughing all the way.
When the LakeCountyEye Carollers come singing those words, that means one thing and one thing only. It's time to gas up the snowmobile and blaze some new trails through the Hackmatack National Wildlife Refuge.

Not so fast, however, a 500 square mile Federal wildlife refuge in Northern Lake County is still but a gleam in Santa's eye. As reported on this blog ...
Attack on the Hackmatack
opposition to the refuge is organized and vocal, insisting that a Wildlife Refuge in Northeastern Illinois will amount to another costly and intrusive government boondoggle.

Hackneyed Libertarian slogans like these typically resonate only with the homeschooled ...
Home School
Most everyone else will recognize these concerns as pretense for those special-interests who would prefer to see any Lake County open-space developed into strip malls and bankrupt townhome metroplexes.

Tis the season, however, of peace on earth and goodwill toward all men. If your aim is to sway public interest against a wildlife refuge it may help to extend some convincing -- ie not transparent -- concerns. So in the spirit of bipartisanship, your LakeCountyEye has put together a holiday gift offering of 10 more plausible reasons for opposing Hackmatack:

Ten Believable Reasons for Opposing
the Hackmatack National Wildlife Refuge
  1. The squirrels will become eligible to apply for US citizenship.

  2. Hackmatack is too hard to pronounce; and Bigmacattack National Wildlife Refuge is a protected trademark.

  3. Donttouchmyjunk National Wildlife Refuge is also a protected trademark.

  4. Deer will eat all the medical marijuana.

  5. Thar be gold in them thar hills: Mining companies

  6. Thar be gravel in them thar holes: Stop the Quarry

  7. No Federal Restrictions on Red-Light Cameras.
    Duffy: Go easy on tickets for right turns on red

  8. The AFLAC duck wants 15% of the gross plus 30% of the concession business.

  9. Additional costs for Slow Wildlife Crossing signs will bankrupt the Route 53 extension.

  10. Deal breaker: Often is heard a discouraging word.

And be sure to keep an eye peeled for the LakeCountyEye Carollers, at a front-porch near you!
Deck us all with Boston Chollie,
Walla Walla, Wash., an' a Kalamazoo!
Nora's freezin' on the trolley,
Swaller dollar cauliflower alley-garoo!

Don't we know archaic barrel,
Lullaby Lilla boy, Louisville Lou?
Trolley Molly don't love Harold,
Boola boola Pensacoola hullabaloo
Deck us all with Boston Charlie

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