Wednesday, March 1, 2017

Spin Out

Does anyone remember Aaron Lawlor? It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that Lawlor -- the celebrity Chairman of the Lake County Board -- has not been in news, anywhere, for a couple of months. So this would be a good time to post part two of a conversation ...
Referendee and Referendum
... with Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Historian of Lake County Chairmanships at the College of Lake County.

"Did you hear that Aaron Lawlor is gay?" said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "You could've bowled me over with a butter nut squash."

The news was a complete surprise to your LakeCountyEye. The News-Sun got the scoop when they asked Lawlor to clarify some public remarks made at a diversity conference:
After the event, Lawlor, 34, said in a phone interview that he "meant to share with the audience that I'm gay."
Lake County Board chairman reveals he's gay at tolerance event
"Smart politics." nodded Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Politicians know that Lake County voted for Hillary Clinton over Donald Trump by an incredible 58 to 37 margin. Especially Republican politicians. If they hope to get re-elected in 2018 they need to put as much distance as possible between themselves and the head of their Party, Donald Trump -- who is red meat radioactive. A GOP candidate could start by telling the press he is gay -- even if he is not!"

Your LakeCountyEye strongly suspects Lawlor is.

"Lawlor is a special case." confided Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Suppose Lawlor decided to run for higher office. Like Lieutenant Governor. Or even State Senate. What do you think his Republican Primary opponents would all be whispering?"

That Lawlor is gay?

Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi smiled. "And what do you think his Republican Primary opponents will not be whispering -- now?"

That Lawlor is gay?

"Smart politics." chuckled Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Then what was up with the public histrionics? Lawlor's announcement was delivered like he was trying to sneak it in through the back door. A cringe inducing moment, to say the least. Your LakeCountyEye played the video on a Grindr app:

Aaron Lawlor Speaks at "A Welcoming and Inclusive Community - Summit of Leaders"
"Ya," grimaced Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, "it looks more like he's being prepped for a colonoscopy there."

And your LakeCountyEye couldn't help but notice Lake County State's Attorney Michael Nerheim seated behind the podium.

"Nerheim never batted an eyelash." observed Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "To be fair, no one ever listens to these speeches. Nerheim might have been doing math problems in his head. Like how many wrongful prosecution judgments can the County absorb, without going belly up."

Embrace the crazy. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"You can break some news. Tell your operatives that Princess Nudelman is gay."

6 comments:

Gerri Songer said...

I noticed these posts:
• http://lakecountygazette.com/stories/511054488-howard-simpson-donates-5-000-to-citizens-to-elect-aaron-lawlor

• http://www.chicagotribune.com/news/opinion/editorials/ct-metra-orseno-pension-emanuel-edit-0302-jm-20170301-story.html

Gerri Songer said...

Maybe he'll become a Democrat.

Anonymous said...

Lake County citizens must feel so much better now that they know their fearless leader has used a public forum to announce his personal sexual orientation particularly when so few in Lake County voted for Trump. Surely Lake County citizens do not at all care about why township assessors have sued the county assessor, tax appeal board members, and various other low-life county officials for their methods of assessing and taxation of the citizenry. Surely Lake County citizens are now, because of the County Board President's courageous leadership, all singing kumbaya and just thrilled with their local representation.

Excuse me while I go barf now.




Barney Baxter said...

Hi Gerri,

Thanks for the tips.

Lawlor belongs to the Party led by Donald Trump. We'll see how long that lasts.

-BB-

Anonymous said...

Lawlor belongs to the party of Lawlor.

There, fixed it for ya Barney.

Barney Baxter said...

Hi Anon,

I stand corrected!

-BB-