Roger That

It has come to your LakeCountyEye's attention that there will be a US Senate election in Illinois. Who knew? It is also unknown, as of yet, who will be running for Senate. The Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source) acknowledges one candidate -- however only by his first name, Roger:

Who is Roger? Nobody knows, certainly not your LakeCountyEye.

But Sharpeyed Operatives tell your LakeCountyEye that the Roger in question is in actuality Roger Christian Murphy.

In your LakeCountyEye's opinion, Roger Christian Murphy is simply a great ballot name.

Will Illinoisans be getting their very own Senator Murphy? Time will tell!

I Don't Care What the Newspapers Say about Me as Long as They Spell My Name Right

Darren Bailey and Aaron Del Mar may be the first rhyming couplet running for Governor of Illinois. That could explain how Aaron Del Mar got himself quoted in the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source).

Who will win the race for Illinois Comptroller in 2026? Del Mar has his eye on one candidate:

Who is Kroger Representative Coker? The Lake County Gazette's Russian-built AI ChatBot is no doubt on the fritz, and bollixed up the transcript. Kroger Representative Coker, quite obviously, is the Coca-Cola bottling distributor assigned to your nearest Kroger grocery store.

Moving on to US Senate, Del Mar has his eye on Roger:

Who is Roger? Without question, Aaron Del Mar has a certain alien in mind ...

Note to Ops: Make America great again.

The Pink Peter Strikes Again

An actual unretouched screencap from the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 fakenews source:

Palatine GOP doyenne Aaron Del Mar spilled the tea on how to win an election in Illinois. And Del Mar should know, because he knows people from New Page County as well as people from all across Saginaw County:

Aaron Del Mar knows how to win in Illinois because he has the receipts. And the names on those receipts are Bruce Rauner, Dan Rutherford, Judy Barker, Pink Peter:

Rest assured, you are not looking at the names of just any Tom, Dick or Hairy!

For the record, Del Mar is the running mate of Illinois gubernatorial candidate Beetle Bailey.

Bonfire & Brews: A Taste of Gurnee

Bonfire & Brews: A Taste of Gurnee (21+)

Unsolicited ICE

ICE agents billeted at North Chicago have been sent to Milwaukee to raid the Potawatomi Hotel & Casino, your LakeCountyEye has learned. The agents are instructed to deport "Potawatomi Indians without proper documentation".

HaHa, in other gambling news, it is full steam ahead for the American Place casino in Waukegan:

The announcement that the coming construction of a permanent casino in Waukegan is now a sure bet was a dream come true for civic boosters and gamblers.
Column: Out with The Temporary, in with American Place

Your LakeCountyEye has also learned that ICE agents will be stationed in the new casino, at the baccarat table. Their assignment will be to apprehend any Bond villains that enter the country illegally.

Note to Ops: Spotting an ICE agent at the casino will be relatively easy. He will be wearing a tuxedo.

The Fortress of ICE

The Question of the Day traces its origin back to an early 20th Century joke:

Q: Is the iceman coming?

A: No, but if you hum a few bars I can fake it.

HaHa, are they just blowing hot air, or are the ICE men coming to North Chicago? When the grownups showed up at the Great Lakes Naval Station there were no ICE men to be found:

Three members of Illinois' congressional delegation arrived at Naval Station Great Lakes Friday morning, hoping to meet with naval personnel and officials of the U.S. Department of Homeland Security and Immigration and Customs Enforcement. They ended up only meeting with the Navy.
Senators and congressman visit Naval Station Great Lakes ahead of ICE influx: 'This is just political theater'

Note to Ops: If the Feds come looking for you that is your cue to go into hiding. Just Sayin!

A Love of Labor

Labor Day is not simply the unofficial end of summer. Labor Day was originally established to commemorate the unionization of surrogate mothers throughout the United States.

HaHa. An estimated 18 million people will be travelling this Labor Day weekend. Most of those will be Lake County motorists heading up to Wisconsin. Perhaps not coincidentally, traffic safety measures in Lake County are being beefed up for the holiday:

Local law enforcement agencies will be more visible on Lake County roads in the coming weeks leading up to Labor Day.
Traffic Safety Campaigns Ramped Up For Labor Day In Lake County

Of course, any border is a 2-way street, and that includes the Wisconsin border.  What else explains the impending influx of border police into Lake County?

Naval Station Great Lakes has confirmed that it is preparing to host federal immigration agents.
Lake County leaders push back against plans to host ICE agents at Naval Station Great Lakes

Now, with that incursion of Federal employees, Lake County will need to hire additional labor for support. Occupations would include Food Service Staff, Taxi and Delivery Drivers, Landscaping and Groundskeeping, Agricultural Workers, Day Laborers. Lake County's employment agencies will have their work cut out for them!

Off the Track

The exploding bomb-train has regularly failed to explode in Waukegan.

A panel of industry experts recently were able to identify the root-cause of the problem: The railway lines in Waukegan have long been abandoned by Canadian National ...

Canadian National Railway switches and sidings have gone unused for years and are an impediment to the development of Waukegan's south lakefront.
Waukegan eyeing purchase of abandoned railway right of way

Industry experts unrelated to those other industry experts said: "As soon as you guys pony up some cheddar, we can refurbish those tracks and get those bomb-trains rolling again."

EXTRA: Exterminator Extinguished

If Voldemort Vladimir Putin can be persuaded to end his war of attrition on the Ukraine population, can the South Lake Mosquito Abatement District end its war of attrition on insect populations? Like leaded gasoline, it appears that the insecticide truck is at the end of the road:

It could be the beginning of the end for the South Lake Mosquito Abatement District, with the Lake County Board voting 18-1 in favor of an ordinance proposing its dissolution
Lake County moves to dissolve South Lake Mosquito Abatement District, last of its kind in the county

Even though Summer is coming to an end, the birds and the bees have been observed doing the happy dance. That's because the last Lake County Mosquito Abatement District may be going extinct -- before they do.

No Ifs Ands or Bots

Don't laugh, AI wrote this joke.

HaHa, something else that AI should not be monkeying with is psychoanalysis. According to the Lake County Gazette, it is now illegal for the ChatGPT to dispense psychiatric advice in Illinois:

legislation prohibits AI chatbots from providing therapy services or representing themselves as qualified mental health professionals.
Pritzker signs bill banning AI bots from acting as therapists in Illinois

Fun fact: All of the content you read in the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source) is generated by AI chatbots that were trained in Russian Troll Farms. So, if the Lake County Gazette is your beacon of sanity, technically you are in violation of Illinois Law.

Trickle-Down Theory

Summer safety tip: When grilling outdoors, be careful with that petition you've been asked to sign. While Illinois nominating petitions must be numbered consecutively, nothing in the statutes say they must be fire-proof. The 2026 Primary may be seven months away, but petition season has already begun, thanks to a new law.

Odds are, that petition will be for a Democratic candidate:

At least 62 candidates have already announced their intentions to run for the five federal offices, 47 of them Democrats
As political petition passing begins, Illinois Democrats have flood of candidates; Republicans have a trickle

Both political parties have their own pipeline of candidates.  And with the Republican Party they add up to a few drips:

While Democrats have seen a flood of candidate announcements, for Illinois' moribund Republican Party, it's more of a trickle.
As political petition passing begins, Illinois Democrats have flood of candidates; Republicans have a trickle

One fact-based political scientist said: "It is no surprise that the GOP has only a trickle of candidates. The Party of Trump is a Party of aging males in decline and of perceived privilege. A visit to the urologist may be in order."

Gurnee Days 2025

Gurnee Days 2025

Curses, FOIAed Again

So, you got a burning desire to knee-cap the Deep State, but your name is not Elon Musk. Do not despair. Turn off that chainsaw, and fill out a FOIA request, instead.

As readers of this blog are aware, the Lake County Gazette had weaponized the FOIA by soliciting files from no fewer than 25 Lake County police departments:

Mob FOIA

Well, the Lake County Gazette is at it again, this time spamming no fewer than 50 Lake County Village governments with FOIA requests:

Lake County Gazette FOIA request sent

What does the Lake County Gazette want? They want from each Village, "access to all emails sent by the mayor or president over the past 30 days." They also want "a fee waiver, citing their role as a media professional involved in disseminating information."

Their goal is obvious: to rummage through your local Village's business while neglecting the fees. This is known within the craft as Sniff and Stiff.

The FOIA information obtained will, nodoubt, find its way back to the same Russian troll farms that concoct the content for the Lake County Gazette (Lake County's #1 fakenews source). Lake County Village administrators are advised to learn some basic Russian.

Run Short

Have you ever had this awkward conversation? They come into your room and say they have bad news.  They say it is going to have to be shorter than was originally discussed. And you say, how much -- an inch shorter? And they say, no, 1000 feet shorter.

Well, if you're the Waukegan Airport, that may be good news:

A proposed runway improvement project at Waukegan National Airport will be 1,000 feet shorter than originally envisioned, requiring only a sliver — rather than 52 acres — of neighboring forest preserve property. That's welcome news for the Lake County Forest Preserve District commissioners, who won't have to decide whether to sell a hunk of the Waukegan Savanna Forest Preserve for the project
'Great news for everybody': New runway plan at Waukegan airport minimizes need for forest preserve land

The runway issued a statement, through a spokesman: "It's not the length that is important -- it is the width."

The Pen is Triter than the Sword

Besides writing laughable ledes for political blogs, did you know that AI can also be used to draw political cartoons? That, at least, is how the Chicago Tribune Creepy Cartoonist™ does it.

First ask the Chatbot to dig up some forgotten old painting, in the public domain:

Then ask DALL-E to make a drawing from it, using a sharpie:

Privacy doesn't exist.

And finally, voila, two thumbs up!