Monday, March 18, 2019

Vice Chair

The actual unretouched Cuba Township Republican Committeeman List:

Cuba Republican Committeemen
The C stands for Township Chairman:
Your LakeCountyEye would like to be the spycam fly on the wall at those Cuba Township Republican Committeemen meetings.

Thursday, March 14, 2019

Drivel License

An actual unretouched screenshot of the Lake County Gazette, Lake County's #1 source of fake news:

Village of Cary Liquor License Violation will meet March 15
For the record, liquor violations occur so frequently in the Village of Cary that these have taken to meeting on a monthly basis.

Haha, j/k.

The Russian Twitter Bot that generates all Lake County Gazette news items had its hard-drive crash in 2016. And since then it has been a random word generator.

No one who subscribes to the Lake County Gazette noticed.

Sunday, March 10, 2019

Get Off Schock-Free

Press 1 if you are Not Guilty.  Press 2 if you are Guilty.
Honorary Lake County Ex-GOP-Congressman Aaron Schock got dealt a Get-Out-of-Jail-Free Card:
In a surprise move, federal prosecutors in Chicago announced they had agreed to drop all charges against Schock in what's known as a deferred prosecution.
Prosecutors in Chicago to drop charges against former U.S. Rep. Aaron Schock if he pays back IRS, campaign
Schock had been indicted for misusing Federal campaign money. These are similar charges that had sent former US Rep Jesse Jackson Jr to prison for 2 1/2 years.

As a general rule, it goes without saying, never pinch pennies when it comes to legal counsel.

Note to Lake County GOP Ops: If your legal representation is not up to snuff, it may be time to switch lawyers. Give Aaron Schock a call. Just because there is an R after your name, that doesn't mean you can expect a pardon. Just Sayin!

Wednesday, March 6, 2019

Close Enough for Anti-Government Work

An actual unretouched screencap from Lake County's #1 fake news source, the Lake County Gazette:

Top 10 campaign contribution recipients
in Lake County for the week of 2019-02-11
For the record, it is widely believed that three is not equal to ten.

The discrepancy has been attributed to the Russian Twitter Bot that produces the Lake County Gazette fakenews stories. One knowledgeable source, who spoke on condition of perspicacity, offered an explanation: "Those Eastern-Bloc fake-news-generating algorithms all use metric system numbers."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Friday, March 1, 2019

There are No Atheists in a Pothole

... so big, that even the potholes have potholes.
Since driving on a permanently revoked license is against the law, your LakeCountyEye normally turns a blind eye to this sort of story:
Road crews are hoping for a break from the snow that will allow them to catch up on the recent crop of potholes following the freeze and thaw cycles. Drivers who spot issues can find reporting forms for the Lake County Division of Transportation at lakecountyil.gov or Illinois Department of Transportation at www.idot.illinois.gov.
Spot a pothole in Lake County? Here's how to report it
To dig up the lowdown, your LakeCountyEye contacted Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Blackburn-Lancashire Roads Scholar at the College of Lake County.

"Dude, I am hungry." said Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "My airplane had a layover in one of those Caribbean pothole countries. You know, where the ganja is legal."

Different kind of pothole, your LakeCountyEye was quick to point out.

Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi giggled: "No way!"

Way.

Then Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi was suddenly all frowns: "Haha I'm cool, cool with that. I will say that IDOT has issued a severe pothole warning for all of Lake County. Motorists are asked to stay home. Those who cannot are asked to call Uber."

How big are these hazards?

"I'm glad you asked." grinned Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "The potholes in Lake County are so big that entire vehicles are being swallowed. And we're not talking Yugos. We're talking Camrys, even Tauruses."

Hard to believe.

"Believe me." trumpeted Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Scientists found a number of Lake County potholes which go down so deep that even light cannot escape. One has an event horizon that extends completely through McHenry County."

Is it like they will ever notice a difference?

"That baby has it's own zipcode." added Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi.

Is that how the scientists keep track of them?

"No." replied Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Have you noticed how climatologists are now giving names even to local storms?"

So as to gin up public interest in what otherwise would have been some run-of-the-mill weather event?

"Exactly." nodded Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "And transportation officials are now giving names to the Lake County potholes."

Your LakeCountyEye was all like: Get out!

"There is one named pothole near the Bog State Natural Area called the Holo in Volo." continued Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "Another one in front of the Waukegan Court House has been christened the Judge Crater. And if you're driving by Gurnee Mills, watch out for the Grand Wazoo."

Your LakeCountyEye had heard enough. Did Dr Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives relief is in sight. Foxconn has agreed to buy all of Lake County's potholes to store their industrial waste. Their radioactive runoff will be diverted into the holes, and is expected to harden within 10,000 years. And then the County roads will be like brand new!"

Tuesday, February 19, 2019

Promised Land

holy land
Today's pop quiz is multiple choice:
Q:Who Said:
Buy land, they're not making it anymore.
A: Jesus
 Mark Twain
The correct answer is:
 Mark Twain
In related news, the Archdiocese of Chicago anticipates to gain $15 million from a 40 acre sale of land in Libertyville to a housing developer:
A Lake County judge has overruled Libertyville officials' decision in 2017 to deny a 148-house development on property at the former Mundelein Seminary. The decision Friday by Lake County Judge Michael Fusz now allows the Catholic Bishop of Chicago and its contracted buyer to proceed. The ruling comes after the Archdiocese of Chicago quickly filed a lawsuit once Libertyville denied proposed zoning changes and permits for the project in 2017.
Judge overrules Libertyville in land-use lawsuit, grants housing project on Archdiocese of Chicago property
Local residents were, if nothing else, righteously indignant. They raised a holy stink over the deal:
The issue galvanized neighbors in opposition. Hundreds attended public hearings and the village board meeting where the final decisions were made.
Candidates support appeal of court decision against Libertyville
Others however were eager to defend the deal. One celestial spokesman spoke on condition of celestiality: "We had wanted to sell the land to Foxconn. But they got a better deal in Wisconsin."

That's all your LakeCountyEye has. Nothing to see here, get off the lawn.

Thursday, February 14, 2019

Dedistricting

drain the swamp
If you are anything like your LakeCountyEye you wouldn't know a Drainage District from a hole in the ground. How many Drainage Districts are there in Lake County? One fewer than you thought:
A century-old relic of Lake County's agricultural past officially has been retired. The Lake County Board on Tuesday voted to dissolve the Seavey Drainage District, marking the end of a unit of government officials say has outlived its purpose.
Lake County dissolves inactive government body: the Seavey Drainage District
A Drainage District, as its name suggests, is a unit of government with authority to levy taxes. It is also a unit of government that nobody knows about -- but that won't stop nobody from wanting to eliminate it anyways.

Independent auditors recently made an unexpected discovery: in Lake County the layers of Government go all of the way down. And these are not all Drainage Districts. Your LakeCountyEye did some digging and flushed out a whole slew of Lake County taxing bodies that no one knows about. Ten to be exact:
10 Little Known
Lake County Units of Government
  1. Red Light Camera District

  2. Eminent Domainage District

  3. Toxic Gas Cloud District

  4. Mosquito Abatement District
    Not to be Confused with Toxic Gas District

  5. Chain O'Lakes Drinking District

  6. Police Revenue Generating District

  7. Endangered Lake County GOP Habitat Preserve

  8. Foxconn Industrial Waste District

  9. Stupid Premise for an Internet Top 10 List District

  10. Lake County Southern Border Wall District
Look for your LakeCountyEye circling the Drainage District near you.

Saturday, February 9, 2019

The Elephant in the Room

The Creepy Chicago Tribune CartoonistTM cannot hide his contempt for RINOs Rhinos. He drew this picture of a Rhinoceros in a tee-shirt that reads: $22 TRILLION NATIONAL DEBT

You know what won't be mentioned in the State of the Union?
The drawing implies that the African Black Rhinoceros is the reason why the US Government owes its creditors $22 Trillion.

Why does the Tribune Creepy Cartoonist bear this sort of ill will against critically endangered African mega-fauna? A large animal like a rhino would be a convenient choice for symbolizing something as big as $22 Trillion. But there are other African mammals that could just as easily represent the enormous national debt.

Like the elephant.

The elephant weighs more than two times the rhinoceros and can consume 300 lbs of food per day -- again more than twice the rhino. But your LakeCountyEye has never seen the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist use an elephant to symbolize the national debt. Why not?

The elephant would be a good choice to illustrate other national concerns as well. Like government corruption. Has the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist ever chosen an elephant to depict the scandals at the highest level of the US Government now under investigation? Your LakeCountyEye does not think so.

And what about Climate Change and Gun Violence and the high cost of Health Care? Has the Creepy Chicago Tribune Cartoonist ever symbolized any of these with the picture of an elephant? No, No and No.

Is there something obvious that your LakeCountyEye is missing?

Monday, February 4, 2019

Hit the Road

Your brand is your business.
Townships are like snowflakes. No two are alike.

Some Townships have many many miles of roads. Others have very few roads. All Townships however have a Highway Department.

But as readers of this blog are aware ...
Meet the New Bill
A handful of Townships could lose their Highway Departments if a Bill becomes Illinois Law. The Law gives voters the power to eliminate some Lake County Township Highway Departments:
six county townships with less than 15 miles of roads to maintain could be effected by elimination referendums. They include Avon, Newport, Shields, Vernon, Waukegan and West Deerfield.
Avenue open to drive off some township road posts
Townships with more than 15 miles of road will not be affected.

While some snowflake Township Officials strongly oppose the Law, do not expect any Lake County Township Highway Departments to disappear any time soon. One pseudonymous official told your LakeCountyEye under conditions of pseudonymity: "Even if the Bill becomes Law, once they build the Route 53 Extension, every Township will have hundreds of miles of road to maintain."

Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

Wednesday, January 30, 2019

Notes From We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent

Your LakeCountyEye has discovered that the Polar Vortex was caused by some cold calculations made in Old Mill Creek.

Haha, as readers of this blog are aware ...
We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent
... the Old Mill Creek Village Board recently discussed a motion that would, in effect, remove a certified candidate from their election ballot.
There is one candidate running for the office of Old Mill Creek Village Clerk in the 2019 municipal election. But two weeks ago the Old Mill Creek Village board considered a motion to change their Village Clerk from an elected to an appointed position -- a motion that could have nullified the 2019 election for the candidate.  No elected position means no pesky candidate, no more!

The motion was discussed for more than 20 minutes. Ultimately, counsel convinced the Board that they lacked the legal authority to pass a law that would strike an elected office from an upcoming election ballot. And your LakeCountyEye reported that the Board dropped the motion.

One Sharpeyed Operative has pointed out that the motion was in fact brought to a vote. And was voted down.

This is correct. However, the motion was changed so as to be effective when the term of the next Village Clerk expired. It would not have nullified the outcome of the 2019 election.

The Old Mill Creek paper shredding machine was unavailable for comment.

Sunday, January 27, 2019

We Don't Want Nobody Nobody Sent

This week's QOTD is a story problem:
Q:Suppose you are a banana republic or a one party dictatorship. And suppose an election is scheduled where it looks like the unwelcome candidate will win. Can you cancel the election?
A:False.
Haha, this was a trick question. You can cancel the election if you are a banana republic, a one party dictatorship, or a Lake County Village.

On Apr 2, 2019 the residents of Old Mill Creek will have have an opportunity to vote for their Village Clerk in the consolidated election. There is only one candidate for Village Clerk on their ballot. And members of the Old Mill Creek Village Board apparently are none too pleased. So none-too-pleased in fact, that they put the issue on the agenda of their Jan 14 Village Board Meeting:
8.1 Change Village Clerk from Elected Position to Appointed Position
The board discussed whether they could strike the Village Clerk from their upcoming 2019 ballot by making Village Clerk an appointed position:

2019 01 14 OMC Board 8 1 Village Clerk
The motion was dropped when it was decided that the Village Board did not have the legal authority to, in effect, nullify an election.  Old Mill Creek residents are advised to vote early anyways.

Monday, January 21, 2019

January 23rd is Lake County Poverty Awareness Day



The Lake County Community Foundation (LCCF) and its “START SOMETHING campaign” is proud to celebrate the first year since its declaration of Lake County Poverty Awareness Day and the impact it has had driving positive change throughout the region.

Sandy Hart, new Chair of the Lake County Board Board shares her proclamation declaring January 23, 2019, as "Lake County Poverty Awareness Day".

Many municipalities declared their own Poverty Awareness Day. Here are examples of what has been accomplished as a result of the 2018 Poverty Awareness Day:
  • The Alliance for Human Services, a coalition of over 30 health and human service organizations across Lake County, has committed to providing hands-on professional development opportunities for its members and other community stakeholders to further understand the issues of suburban poverty and how we can work together to collaboratively address them.
  • LCCF has begun to see positive progress through its collaborative efforts to increase access to affordable, nutritious food throughout Lake County. The food insecurity rate continues to decline. More Lake County residents have greater access to fresh produce. And a focused effort has been made to target Lake County communities that have high food insecurity rates. These areas include northwest, northeast and southeast Lake County.

Thursday, January 17, 2019

Meet the New Bill

Government redundancy.
Global Warming notwithstanding, David McSweeney was given a snow job. Last week, ex-abominable Governor Bruce Rauner vetoed a bill sponsored by McSweeney -- one that could dismantle some Lake County Townships.

But while Governor Rauner needs to be spoken of in the past tense, David McSweeney continues to be the sole remaining Lake County GOP lawmaker in Springfield. McSweeney has promised to resuscitate the bill:
State Rep. David McSweeney pledged Monday to reintroduce a plan to make it easier for McHenry County voters to abolish local townships after it was vetoed by outgoing Gov. Bruce Rauner. The plan also would have required townships in Lake and McHenry counties to dissolve road districts that maintain less than 15 miles.
McSweeney vows to continue push for suburban consolidation plan despite veto
Surprisingly, local Township office holders were cool and collected. One unnamed official, speaking on condition of not being named, said: "We simply won't plow the roads. Is that snow I see? It looks like nobody will be going to Springfield any time soon. Not before the Spring thaw."

Furloughed government climate scientists were unavailable for comment.

Saturday, January 12, 2019

The Runaround Agenda

43-Yard Field Goal Challenge
Who knew? As things turn out, it is easier to shut down the Federal government than to shut down Township government. DMW Governor Bruce Rauner proved he is no Donald Trump by vetoing a bill that could have eliminated some Lake County townships.

Lake County's lone remaining Republican State legislator, David McSweeney, who sponsored the bill, was fit to be tied:
State Rep. David McSweeney, the Barrington Hills Republican who carried the bill through the Illinois House, said Rauner's veto represents an appropriate end cap to his final days in office. "Gov. Rauner leaves office as a liar, a hypocrite, a phony, the worst governor in the history of the State of Illinois," McSweeney said. "This just shows what a phony he really is."
Gov. Bruce Rauner vetoes McHenry County township consolidation bill
Attempts to reach McSweeney, to find out how he really feels, failed.

Speaking on conditions of anonymity, however, one anonymous source told your LakeCountyEye: "What's not to understand? We get no blowback from the TOI or any elected Township officials. And at the same time we get to go home and tell our constituents that we voted to eliminate the Townships. It's a win-win for everyone!"

Note to Ops: So much winning.

Thursday, January 10, 2019

Q the Eye/01.10.19

Dear LakeCountyEye,

If this is an Instagram world then call me the Insta-Clam. What is the secret to successful Internet dating?

Lake County GOP Precinct Committeeman
Dear Dinosaur,Ὥρος Hōros

Your LakeCountyEye polled some chatroom correspondents, and this is what they look for in an online date:
  • Emotional Maturity
  • Openness
  • Honesty
  • Respectful and Sensitive
  • Independent
  • Empathetic
  • Physically Affectionate
  • Funny
But there is one thing over and above everything else that special member of the opposite sex is looking for in a mate: They want to see an 8x10 glossy photo.

Now, your LakeCountyEye suspects that you're an individual who can win an ugly sweater contest without wearing a sweater. So do what the professionals do when dating online -- pass along a photo of your LakeCountyEye:

Your LakeCountyEye (circa 1969)
Note to Ops: Always be sure to choose the photo of someone who isn't going to sue. Just Sayin!

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just under investigation by the Special Counsel, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Wednesday, January 9, 2019

Day Of Service Community Expo

Tenth Dems Organizing Day Of Service Community Expo To Bring Together Local Organizations And Community Members

Over 35 Not-For-Profit Groups To Have Opportunity To Discuss Their Organizations, Recruit Volunteers, And Work On Service Projects
Vernon Hills, IL — Ahead of their inauguration as Illinois’ next governor and lieutenant governor, JB Pritzker and Juliana Stratton have urged all of us in Illinois to give back to our communities. As a response to this call for a Day of Service, the Tenth Congressional District Democrats (Tenth Dems) is organizing a Day of Service Community Expo on Saturday, January 12th. It will be from 11 AM to 1 PM at the Sullivan Center, 635 N. Aspen Dr., Vernon Hills, IL 60061. Admission is free. The Community Expo will be a family-friendly event. Refreshments will be served.
The Community Expo will bring together local organizations and community members. At least 35 not-for-profits will have tables to showcase what they do, hand out flyers, recruit volunteers, and encourage attendees to take part in real-time service projects or sign up for future projects. This will be a great opportunity for community outreach and promoting volunteerism.
Tenth Dems believes politics should be about more than just elections–it’s about working together to improve our neighborhoods, state, country, and world. While Tenth Dems strives to do that year-round, the group will certainly put that into action on this Day of Service. January 12th has the potential to make a difference in the lives of thousands of neighbors. It will be a meaningful day at a critically important time for our state.
Tenth Dems is a grassroots political organization that works to elect Democrats to all levels of government within Illinois’ 10th Congressional District.
For questions about the Day of Service Community Expo, including your own group’s participation, email events@tenthdems.org.

Saturday, January 5, 2019

War Clouds on the Horizon

War is Hell.
Chief Illiniwek has cause for concern. That's because this week the Lake County GOP took Elizabeth Warren's scalp:
The leader of the Lake County Republican Party central committee dismissed concerns about a meme posted on the group's Facebook page that mocked U.S. Sen. and Democratic presidential hopeful Elizabeth Warren's claims of Native American heritage. The image features puffs of smoke rising into the sky. The text reads, "Actual photo of Elizabeth Warren announcing her candidacy for president of the United States."
Lake County GOP leader dismisses concerns about meme targeting Sen. Elizabeth Warren
Scouts report the Lake County Republicans are circling the wagons and loading their guns. Your LakeCountyEye will keep you apprised when further developments warrant.

... BREAKING ... LIVE UPDATE ...

It turns out those weren't smoke signals, after all. It was only the Lake County Republican ethylene oxide toxic cloud.

Note to Ops: It's a joke.

Wednesday, January 2, 2019

Bad Paper

... but the signatures are real.
It's unanimous. Everyone in Lake County has made the same resolution for the new year: To do their ballot nominating petitions right in 2019:
At least 16 candidates for elected offices in Lake County could be knocked off April 2019 ballots because of challenges to their paperwork.
16 Lake County candidates facing petition challenges
Why are these candidates getting their walking papers? To find out, your LakeCountyEye asked Dr. I.M. Bhatschidtkhrazzi, Follicle Professor of Legal Hairsplitting at the College of Lake County.

"Ya, scientists have discovered that there are more ways to get bounced off an Illinois ballot," said Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "than getting your County P-Card bounced in downtown Chicago."

That would be quite a number, by your LakeCountyEye's reckoning.

"State law is very specific about how to submit your nominating papers." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "For instance, your candidacy will be in jeopardy if your paperwork does not contain the requisite $100 dollar bill."

What happens if the papers are not all in order?

"That used to be a capital offense." deadpanned Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "But ever since the death penalty was abolished in Illinois, you now only get thrown off of the ballot."

Almost the same thing, opined your LakeCountyEye.

"Candidates will do anything to stay on the ballot." continued Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi. "I recall one candidate who did not have enough signatures. So he made a copy of every page and submitted those as well. When asked why he had duplicate signatures, the candidate said it was all perfectly legal -- those were people who were going to vote for him twice. True story."

Your LakeCountyEye believed it.

"Lawyers for Donald Trump," added Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi "challenged Hillary Clinton's nominating papers in 2016."

Your LakeCountyEye did not know that.

"Trump insisted there was no collation."

Your LakeCountyEye had heard enough. Did Dr. Bhatschidtkhrazzi have any parting advice?

"Tell your Operatives that it is much easier, anyways, to run as a write-in. You only have to remember how to spell your name."