Monday, December 31, 2012

Ring in the New Year with a Bang

If the Times Square Ball is any indication, the new year is arriving not a minute too soon. It's that time of the year again to make resolutions, and number one on the 2013 list is to stay away from the infected websites -- and your LakeCountyEye means it this time.

One infection-free website is the McHenryCountyBlog. The website had been infected with some icky erectile dysfunction malware. Back around Thanksgiving, operatives in search of erectile dysfunction drugs had to look no farther than the McHenryCountyBlog, which was loaded with hidden hyperlinks from foreign websites where these same erectile dysfunction drugs were available -- and without a prescription!

But as readers of this blog are cautiously aware ...
Spam Roast
Q the Eye/12.02.12
your LakeCountyEye schooled the disoriented libertarians at the MchenryCountyBlog on how to remove those unwanted -- heh heh -- trojans from their website. Their website is now safe to visit again -- lookin' good McHenryCountyBlog!

One end-of-year ritual at the McHenryCountyBlog is to post the salaries of public sector employees who work in McHenry County:
Every year state law requires the posting of salaries and fringe benefits exceeding $75,000 for those employees under the Illinois Municipal Retirement Fund.
McHenry County Salaries
They number in the hundreds but the McHenryCountyBlog has been posting a few employee names (with salaries) every day, in alphabetical order:
Apparently reading them all at once can induce drowsiness.

Induced drowsiness, however, may be a good thing after a night of induced happiness. For those operatives too hung-over to face the new year, your LakeCountyEye has reproduced -- directly from the McHenryCountyBlog and for your contemplation -- the slumber-inducing salaries of some public employees:


It is unknown whether the tireless tax fighters at the McHenryCountyBlog are old enough to have voted for Teddy Roosevelt. But even if they cast their ballots for Woodrow Wilson, the public sector pensioners at the McHenryCountyBlog can still boast that they speak softly and carry a big stick!

Friday, December 28, 2012

A Fifty-Two Pickup

crocodile tearsOperatives travelling to Springfield on January 9 to see David McSweeney sworn in will find themselves a day late and a dollar short. Plus two days. Not to mention eighty bucks worth of gas.

McSweeney, Lake County's newest District 52 State Rep is to be sworn in three days early. Anyone who thought the seat is still held by Kent Gaffney -- the outgoing District 52 Rep -- would be wrong. According to the Daily Herald ...
Gaffney, a Lake Barrington Republican who lost his primary bid this year, resigned this week, and McSweeney will be sworn in Jan. 6. That's when state lawmakers will be in their so-called lame-duck session, possibly voting on last-minute efforts to legalize gay marriage, ban certain guns and cut teacher and state worker retirements.
McSweeney to start serving in House early
Your LakeCountyEye will not speculate why Gaffney resigned in advance. However McSweeney needed to be caucused-in to be eligible to claim the seat before the end of the session. So it is a safe bet that some sort deal was brokered in advance and that Gaffney did not leave in a huff. Likely it was in a late model sedan, perhaps bound to Springfield where all the lobbying and legislative aide jobs are.

Lake County will now sleep well knowing that gays will not be able to get married and that guns will not be banned and that teachers will not get their pensions -- not with a true Republican like David McSweeney on the watch.

Your LakeCountyEye has been told that the news did not sit well with one Lake County Republican, County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor. It is rumored that Lawlor was promised Gaffney's seat and had been observed measuring the drapes at the District 52 State Rep office in Springfield.

In related news, it is widely believed that John Boehner may fail in January to be re-elected as Speaker of the House. And Aaron Lawlor has been recently observed measuring the drapes at the Speaker's office in Washington DC.

Wednesday, December 26, 2012

Q the Eye/12.26.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

All you care about is readers and making money off of him. He's a human! What you don't realize is that Aaron is making you all this money and all you do is write a bunch of crap about him. He hasn't held a private sector job in years. His stump speech is called "give me more" for a reason -- because all you people want is more, more, more, more, more! Leave him alone! You're lucky he even represents you bastards! Leave Aaron alone!

Please.

Not Aaron Schock
Dear Not Aaron Schock (if that's your real name),

Ὥρος HōrosOh boo hoo -- stiffen up and show some spine. Has the mean LakeCountyEye been poking fun at your expense? Well, no harm, no foul -- nobody reads these boutique political blogs. Alexa gives your LakeCountyEye a phone-number sized rank of 4,790,547. Even in dogyears that works out to a rank of 684,364 -- which puts your LakeCountyEye still behind even the malware-prone McHenryCountyBlog:




(For the record, this does explain why your LakeCountyEye is mean.)

If it's any consolation, at least you didn't make the mistake of one Lake County Republican -- who will go unnamed but is a namesake of yours as well as Aaron Spelling. This career politician was the butt of some LakeCountyEye humor after he was caught measuring the drapes in the office of previous County Board Chairman David Stolman. He responded immediately to the Daily Herald:
"It feels like my office," said Lawlor, 30, a Vernon Hills Republican. "I've always felt comfortable on the 10th floor, and I feel very comfortable in the office."
Chairman: Lake County Board 'best place to serve'
Being made fun of by the LakeCountyEye is one thing. But, haha, now even the Daily Herald recognizes a brazen careerist.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Monday, December 24, 2012

Christmas Count

old white male voterThat familiar December deadline has snuck-up again and, as always, sooner than anticipated. Operatives are sweeping through all the Lake County shops and malls, in desperate search of that one last perfect petition signature.

Haha, the quadrennial off-year election for townships and municipalities will be held in April of 2013. Those who hope to be on the ballot must submit nominating petitions by December 26. If you haven't yet, your petition must be in the hands of your township or village clerk before the December 26 deadline. Which means there better be someone working at your township or village hall who can accept your petition -- all on the day after Christmas. Good luck with that!

If you happen to be an operative short a sheet or two, your LakeCountyEye recommends renting Santa's naughty/nice list -- which will be adequate to pad any deficient petition packet. And as a bonus, Santa's list doubles as a goldmine of oppo research.

Do not delay, informed sources expect Kris Kringle will be visiting Lake County, and quite soon. And, as always, the Lake County County Clerk's Office will be expected to respond by mailing voter registration applications to:
  • Dasher
  • Dancer
  • Prancer
  • Vixen
  • Comet
  • Cupid
  • Donner
  • Blitzen
With the addition of Santa and Rudolph, these alone are enough names to fill up a entire petition sheet. Just sayin!

Where else but in Illinois would an operative be caught stuffing stockings one night -- and ballot boxes the next? Enjoy! In the meantime, look for your LakeCountyEye. Making a list. Checking it twice.

Wednesday, December 19, 2012

Schock of the Walk

Operatives in Springfield this week might have spied Aaron Schock measuring the drapes in the Governor's mansion. According to the latest rumor ground out of the rumor mill ...
U.S. Rep. AARON SCHOCK, R-Peoria, according to the website Illinoisobserver.net, is telling "leading Illinois GOP honchos" that he's in the governor's race
Illinois GOP chairman Brady says party needs to broaden appeal
It is an open secret that the downstater Schock is an honorary Lake County Republican. The photographic evidence speaks for itself:
 
While Schock craves the office of Governor, Lake County Republicans are placing their early markers on other high offices. Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran has dibs on Illinois Attorney General:
Lake County Sheriff Curran planning attorney general run
Eighth District Congressman Joe Walsh has staked a claim on the US Senate:
Asked who was urging him on, Walsh responded: "The best kind of people in the world — real people, activists, conservatives and everyday Republicans all over the state."
Joe Walsh, tea party firebrand, weighs Senate campaign
These developments have not escaped the notice of actual Lake County Republican, Aaron Lawlor, the brand-spanking-new Lake County Chairman. Your LakeCountyEye has been told that Lawlor burns to obtain a higher office as well, before his term on the County Board expires in 2016.

Time, however, is already running out for anyone who wants to be a marquee candidate on the 2014 ballot. Your LakeCountyEye advises Lawlor to act soon or he will find himself a Republican candidate for Comptroller or Superintendent of Schools or some other unsexy down-ballot position.

As a public service your LakeCountyEye has posted an online poll. Operatives are asked to select the best fit for Lawlor from among the high offices still open:
The 2014 Election is Only Two Years Away!
Aaron Lawlor has the Right Stuff to be Illinois's Next ...
Governor
Lieutenant Governor
Attorney General
Secretary of State
Treasurer
Comptroller
U.S. Senator
10th District Congressman
Results will be forwarded to Chairman Aaron Lawlor, c/o the Lake County Board.

This is scientific data -- please, no freeping the poll!

Sunday, December 16, 2012

Common Sense in Illinois' 10th

TeamAmerica10th has a new spin-off blog called CommonSense10th:
The 10th district may have its own unique standards of common sense, and readers who wish to be filled-in can review the stories on CommonSense10th. Here is a screen-cap of Friday's post at CommonSense10th:

Yes Virginia, There Is a Constitution!

Thursday, December 13, 2012

Son of Yet Still Even More Curran Events

ripple markIf readers of this blog have been erstwhile aware of anything ...
Curran Events
More Curran Events
Even More Curran Events
Still Even More Curran Events
Yet Still Even More Curran Events
... it is that after 2014 Mark Curran will be the Lake County Sheriff no more. If everything goes to plan for Curran, by this time two years from now he will be the Illinois Attorney General-elect. According to the News-Sun, Curran ...
is seriously considering a run for Illinois Attorney General in 2014, he confirmed Wednesday. The Libertyville Republican has been meeting with citizens around the state and says he intends to run in the GOP primary in about 15 months.
Curran mulls run for Ill. attorney general
The big unanswered question burning in everybody's mind is howcome the lamestream media is reporting this just now -- when your LakeCountyEye broke the story, back in the day, like around Thanksgiving 2012? News may travel slowly out of Lake County. But how slow should it travel when the Lake County news has to go no farther than Lake County?

When it comes to unanswerable questions, your LakeCountyEye has been told by the usual pseudo-sources to look toward the heavens. It is no secret that Mark Curran, unlike most ordinary people, takes his guidance from Divine authority -- particularly when making political decisions. The Daily Herald reports that ...
Curran says his faith influences his position on various issues. "I spend time daily in prayer and in Mass and seek spiritual counsel, and I feel that I'm prompted with clarity that I need to embrace."
Lake County Sheriff Curran planning attorney general run
So to reconstruct a timeline, Curran never had any intention to run for Attorney General -- that is, until sometime this week. Earlier this week someone must have called his attention to the rumors being spread by this blog. Whereupon Curran became convinced that he was missing a golden opportunity if he did not pull up political stakes and announce a run for Attorney General in 2014.

For the record, it is also no secret that God is an RSS subscriber to this blog.

It could happen.

Wednesday, December 12, 2012

Gun Accessory

the 2nd amendment prohibits child safety locksNo one loves their guns more than the homesteaders of Fremont Township. Arguably Lake County's wild wild west, Fremont Township is where they say the free-range chickens there would prefer to be at the gun-range, instead. And now that a Federal Court has thrown out all restrictions against concealed-carry in Illinois, every Fremont Township local, to a man, eagerly anticipates the day when he can look his neighbor in the eye and say: "Is that a concealed gun in your pocket, or are you just happy to see me?"

And who wouldn't know better than Fremont Township Assessor, Ed Sullivan Jr, who told the Daily Herald ...
Sullivan, a Mundelein Republican, called the ruling "historic" and said now the sides have to negotiate what kinds of fees, training and restrictions a concealed carry law in Illinois should include. "Those of us that support the Second Amendment are glad this came down, finally," Sullivan said.
Suburban supporters cheer concealed carry ruling; opponents want appeal
Sullivan recently sat down with your LakeCountyEye for an in-depth interview to explain why his right to conceal a lethal weapon on his person cannot be infringed, even in the slightest.

Haha, psych! -- as if Ed Sullivan sat down for a one-on-one with your LakeCountyEye. (Particularly for this story.) Instead, your LakeCountyEye downloaded Sullivan's iTune playlist from his Facebook page. Here are ten hits to load & play during that important backyard beer-can target practice time. Be sure to pump up the volume!

Ten Frequently Played Songs on Ed Sullivan Jr's iPod
  1. Happiness is a Warm Gun / Beatles
  2. Shotgun / Junior Walker & the All Stars
  3. I Shot the Sheriff / Eric Clapton
  4. Bang Bang / Sonny and Cher
  5. Annie Get Your Gun / Original Cast Album
  6. Who Shot Ya? / the Notorious B.I.G.
  7. Saturday Night Special / Conway Twitty
  8. The Man Who Shot Liberty Valence / Gene Pitney
  9. Pistol Packin' Mama / Bing Crosby & the Andrews Sisters
  10. Roland the Headless Thompson Gunner / Warren Zevon

Look for your LakeCountyEye shooting up to number one with a bullet.

Monday, December 10, 2012

A Farewell Waltz?

Old teabags can be composted.If the scrapheap of history did not exist it would be necessary for Joe Walsh to invent it. Why? Because that's where Walsh has last been seen -- on the scrapheap of history. For those operatives wishing to canvass the scrapheap of history, it can be visited at the American Legion Hall in Wauconda, the site of Walsh's final townhall meeting.

The Eighth District Congressman, and scrappy rooster, Joe Walsh held his last townhall ever this weekend ... or so he says. Your LakeCountyEye suspects different. There are lots of high quality electoral pickup opportunities sitting, like the elephant in the room, on the horizon -- including Governor, Senator and 10th District Congressman. Your LakeCountyEye has learned that ambitious Lake County politicians like Mark Curran and Aaron Lawlor are already eyeing these offices; with Walsh on board they would be three amigos.

Someone running for high office in 2014 could do worse than heed your LakeCountyEye's advice: quit your day-job and start running today. This, at least, seems to be what Walsh is signaling the Daily Herald ...
Not only did Walsh lambaste President Barack Obama and Democrats, he said his fellow Republicans in Congress don't "have the courage" needed to stand up for conservative principles. He said he wouldn't let his Republican label stop him from speaking his mind. "You are looking at an odd duck," Walsh said. And, for the four weeks until the new Congress is sworn in, a very feisty lame duck.
Crowd cheers as Walsh hints at continuing political career
Note to ops: the Herald made a joke. Haha, too funny.

In related news, the Lake County Clerk's office mailed voter registration applications to Odd Duck Walsh & Lame Duck Walsh.

Sunday, December 9, 2012

Snake Attack by the Creepy Tribune Cartoonist

Biologists warn that an invasive species, once introduced to a new habitat, will prey upon and even eliminate the established, native species from an ecosystem. A cautionary tale to anyone who wants to serve on the Lake County Board? Haha, nope -- there will be no tortured Aaron Lawlor metaphors today. Your LakeCountyEye is specifically referring the 15-foot Burmese python that, according to the News-Sun, was captured in Waukegan:
Burmese python captured at Waukegan lakefront
And no, this particular Burmese python was not mailed a voter registration application from the Lake County Clerk's office. The animal -- affectionately named McSqueezy the Python -- has caught the attention of the Chicago Tribune's Creepy Cartoonist.

The Creepy Tribune Cartoonist has launched a contest to give a name to McSqueezy the Python. It does remain unclear why the Trib is sponsoring a contest to find a name for, erm, McSqueezy. For that matter, it is unclear why the Trib is sponsoring a contest to find a name for a beloved Waukegan python that was captured and euthanized some three months ago, back in September. This all may be an indicator of how slowly news travels out of Lake County -- and down into the concrete jungle.

In any event -- and for anyone who thinks they can win the contest -- here is a screen-cap of the Trib's entry form:

Squeezy Replacement
Spoiler alert! You nevertheless would be wasting your time because your LakeCountyEye has already mailed in the winning entry:
CREEPY

the TRIBUNE CARTOONIST
Anyone caught stealing your LakeCountyEye's contest idea will be banned for life. Your LakeCountyEye means it this time.

Wednesday, December 5, 2012

Stolman Kisses
Goodbye Sinecure

After enduring the likes of Bob Grever, Jim LaBelle, Suzi Schmidt, David Stolman, it's about time the Lake County Board picked a chairman who is easy on the eyes:
Can You Spot the Ringer?
Whose Photo Does Not Belong in this Lineup?

James LaBelle
1998-2000

Suzi Schmidt
2000-2010

David Stolman
2010-2012

Aaron Lawlor
2012-
Haha, as readers of this blog are prematurely aware ...
Stolman Exit
the good-looking Aaron Lawlor spanked an incumbent David Stolman in a mano-a-mano winner-take-all duel-to-the-death as to who would preside over the Lake County Board. Lawlor, who is barely 30 years old, is now the youngest Lake County Board Chair ever. However putting that in perspective, 30 is 210 in dog-years. And at 210 years, Lawlor would rank among of some the eldermost of his fellow County Commissioners.

The Republican Lawlor could not have pulled it off without support from enough Democratic Board Commissioners to ensure a victory over the other Republican, Stolman. One misinformed source informed your LakeCountyEye that not since Cardinal Richelieu installed the Dauphin Louis XIII to the Bourbon throne has an evil cabal that brazenly maneuvered someone that inexperienced that abruptly into high office.

As things turned out, Lawlor was elected with a unanimous vote. Stolman, persuaded by necessity, rolled over in the end and withdrew -- the Republican Board Commissioners did not want to wake up the next day to headlines the likes of ...
Haha Democrats Maneuver Lawlor into Chairmanship
"Cardinal Richelieu would have been proud"
Lawlor's victory speech touched on many topics but he mentioned only one policy issue:
We will pursue the extension of Route 53 vigorously, utilizing all of our leaders and build on the foundation that has been laid over the last several years.
His victory is regarded as a win for Route 53 proponents. It is also a win for your LakeCountyEye, who looks forward to at least 2 more years of Synthetic Hair Extension Route 53 Extension jokes.

Monday, December 3, 2012

Stolman Exit

Lake County Board Chairman David Stolman may easily have mistaken the young man measuring the drapes in his office for the interior decorator. It was, however, fellow County Commissioner, Aaron Lawlor. Haha, Stolman's abbreviated tenure as Lake County Board Chairman abruptly ended, as Lawlor orchestrated a coup d'état Napoleonic in ambition and speed. As things stand today, look for Aaron Lawlor's nameplate on the Lake County Board Chairman's desk. While David Stolman's nameplate is now to be found under the dustbin of history.

As it is with any palace coup, the first order of business is to eliminate every trace of the vanquished predecessor, and the precocious Lawlor did not disappoint. Stolman's picture and salutation have already been scrubbed from the Lake County Chairman's webpage, and replaced with Lawlor's:

Message from County Board Chairman Aaron Lawlor
So who is Aaron Lawlor? Ladies take note: He is young, good looking and unmarried. His photo on the County website does not do Lawlor justice.

Here, courtesy the Daily Herald, is Lawlor sharing the sweet moment of victory with his handpicked Vice Chair, Carol Calabresa:

Route 53 extension a top priority for new Lake County Board chairman
Lawlor is the one in the photo with the frosted blond tips.

Sixth District Congressman, and Ladies Man, Peter Roskam was unavailable for comment.

Sunday, December 2, 2012

Q the Eye/12.02.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

With Christmas just around the corner I need to get shopping, and right away. Where do I go to get a payday loan? Preferably a loan that is fast and one that is in cash.

And now that I'm on the topic, New Year's Eve is not far behind. Where do I go to stock up on my Viagra -- and Cialis?

Undisclosed.Recipients
Dear Silent Cal,

Ὥρος HōrosThat's easy, go to the McHenryCountyBlog.

As readers of this blog are suspiciously aware ...
Spam Roast
It looks like the McHenryCountyBlog may have been hijacked by a hidden link injection attack.

Unscrupulous spammers have been known to take advantage of Internet security holes to hide hyperlinks on high-traffic blogs, in order to profit from favorable Google rankings for their noisome products. They target bloggers who are least equipped to defend themselves -- the disoriented, the confused, the tireless taxfighters. For operatives who suspect their Wordpress blog is the target of a hidden link injection attack, this link may help:
I was hacked with hidden link injection - please help
... but your LakeCountyEye digresses.

To answer your question, all you need to do is turn off your browser's scripting and visit the McHenryCountyBlog. You will immediately be greeted with a cornucopia of Viagra & Cialis & Payday Loan hyperlinks.

Enjoy.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com

Wednesday, November 28, 2012

Spam Roast

Haha, you know your LakeCountyEye has run out of ideas when you see a single rumor about Mark Curran stretched out into a five-part story-arc all over this blog. A big part of the problem is that most story ideas published here are cadged from the McHenryCountyBlog. However, if Google is to be believed, it may not be safe to visit that blog, because ...

Google
... the McHenryCountyBlog site may be compromised.

Operatives who (out of desperation or foolhardiness or something) need to see the McHenryCountyBlog, are advised to observe some common-sense safety measures. It's always better to be safe than to be sorry -- who wants to download some yucky virus that may go viral on them? So be sure to disable your browser's scripting before visiting the McHenryCountyBlog.

For those operatives unfamiliar with the innards of their browser, it's easy to disable scripting. Here is how it's done on Internet Explorer:
  1. Open the "Tools" menu.
  2. Select "Internet Options", to open the Internet Options dialog box.
  3. Click the "Security" tab.
  4. Click the "Internet" symbol.
  5. Click the "Custom Level" button, to open the Security Settings dialog box.
  6. In the Settings list, scroll down to "Scripting".
  7. Under Active Scripting, click the radio button to the left of "Disable", so that a coloured dot appears in it.
  8. Click "OK" to close the Security Settings dialog box.
  9. Click "Yes" in the Warning! message box.
  10. Click "OK" to close the Internet Options dialog box.
Information about your Web browser
Enabling and disabling JavaScript
Instructions for other browsers are also available at the link above.

Once your scripting is disabled, you should be relatively safe to browse over to the McHenryCountyBlog ...

Pro-Life Pig Roast
When scripting is turned off, the hidden scripts on the McHenryCountyBlog are rendered as visible hyperlinks:
Be careful -- don't click any of those links!

It is unclear to your LakeCountyEye if this means the Viagra and Cialis was obtainable at the Pro-Life Pig Roast -- or for that matter, the Fast Cash Payday Loans?

Tuesday, November 27, 2012

Yet Still Even More Curran Events

Lake County RoundaboutIf politics is show-business for ugly people, then one Lake County politician may be getting ready for his close-up. Haha, as readers of this blog are repeatedly aware ...
Still Even More Curran Events
Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran, after 2014, may not be Sheriff. The smart Lake County money is betting that Curran is shopping for some office other than Sheriff to run for in the next election. That money, however is divided over which office that might be:
  • Legislative Office
    Curran lives in Senate, Rep and County Board districts all held by fellow Republicans: Dan Duffy, Ed Sullivan, Carol Calabresa. Unless there is a retirement or defection or something among these ranks, your LakeCountyEye would not expect to see Curran on the ballot for any of these offices.

  • County Office
    Besides Sheriff, the 2014 ballot will include County Clerk, Treasurer and Superintendent of Schools. Your LakeCountyEye does not believe Curran is looking for a demotion, and does not expect to see him on the ballot for any of these offices.

  • State Office
    All of the Constitutional offices are on the 2014 ballot: Illinois Governor, Lieutenant Governor, Attorney General, Secretary of State, Treasurer, Comptroller.

    • The offices of Treasurer & Comptroller are held by other Republicans and both require business and math skills. Your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Curran on the ballot for either of these offices.

    • As Secretary of State, Curran would have the bully pulpit to realize his dream to grant Illinois Drivers Licenses to undocumented immigrants. However, the current & popular Illinois Secretary of State Jesse White has said that he will run for another term; your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Curran on the ballot for Secretary of State.

    • There are probably already 50 guys who've publicly expressed an interest in running for Governor -- including defeated Congressman Joe Walsh and Peoria Congressman Aaron Schock. Your LakeCountyEye does not expect a Republican Gubernatorial Primary this cycle, as much as a Republican Gubernatorial Food-Fight. Curran would no doubt fit right in. This one may be too close to call, but your LakeCountyEye still does not look to see Curran on the ballot for Governor.

    • Of all the Constitutional positions, Curran is probably best qualified to be Lieutenant Governor. Not just anybody from Lake County can run for Lieutenant Governor -- your LakeCountyEye advises to keep an eye peeled for Curran's name next to this ballot spot.

    • Curran is an attorney, which is a big plus for any Attorney General candidate. And some observers were surprised that Curran did not run, this cycle, for Lake County State's Attorney. So, especially if current Illinois Attorney General Lisa Madigan does not run for re-election, your LakeCountyEye will be watching to see if Curran appears on the ballot for Attorney General.

  • Federal Office
    Democratic Senator Dick Durbin will defend his seat; so expect only token opposition from a 2nd or 3rd tier Republican candidate. This makes Curran qualified for the slot, but your LakeCountyEye does not expect to see Curran on the ballot for US Senate.

    Curran is in the 10th Congressional District, held by Republican Robert Dold -- oops, haha, soon to be held by Democrat Brad Schneider. If Dold does not try to regain the seat, your LakeCountyEye would be not surprised a bit to see Curran on the ballot for 10th District Congressman.
A tip o' the LakeCountyEye green eyeshade goes to CountyLeaks.

Monday, November 26, 2012

Still Even More Curran Events

You'll know things have come full circle when your LakeCountyEye doesn't have to explain who Reverse Spin is anymore. As readers of this blog are dizzily aware ...
Even More Curran Events
Wheaton based campaign consultants Reverse Spin LLC are now players in Lake County politics, as the campaign committee of Mark Curran recently contracted their services for $2500. Among Reverse Spin's former clients are GOP candidate for Illinois Attorney General & Lieutenant Governor, Joe Birkett; also former Illinois Attorney General and GOP candidate for Governor, Jim Ryan.

Curran's term as Lake County Sheriff ends in 2014; it is widely speculated that Sheriff Curran will hang up his stetson & spurs to run for a higher office. One does not send a down payment of $2500 to connected GOP consultants like Reverse Spin to run for County Dogcatcher Sheriff.

There are additional signs that Curran plans to flip-flop from being a County Sheriff to a post higher up the food chain.

Just a few years ago, Curran was making headlines like this one:

Friday, Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran popped back in the news on the illegal alien front. Pointing out that 20% of those in his jail were illegals, he complained that he did not yet have the power to send them to ICE for deportation. He applied for such authority 14 months ago, the first Illinois sheriff to do so. He said shipping them out would save over $4 million a year, according the the Chicago Tribune.
Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran Steps to the Fore Again
But nowadays, expect the typical Mark Curran headline to look more like this one:

Lake County sheriff: Illegal immigrants should get driver's licenses
Betraying one's Teaparty base for an opportunity instead to carry agua for the elefante is not a campaign strategy to get re-elected to Sheriff in Lake County. It is however smart politics if the goal is to run state-wide.

The consensus among the uninformed sources is that Mark Curran 2.0 will not be seeking re-election to the post of County Sheriff in 2014. Those same uninformed sources are divided, however, over which particular state-wide office is in Curran's sights.

Sunday, November 25, 2012

Even More Curran Events

Always follow the money, your LakeCountyEye's mentor, Deep Throat, often said. In this case, money from his political committee sent Mark Curran, last August, to the Republican Convention in Florida. Curran, who is the Lake County Sheriff, was not a Convention delegate. And as readers of this blog are suspiciously aware ...
More Curran Events
it is unclear how Curran can have justified the trip as a campaign-related expense. Unless that reader happens to be your LakeCountyEye. The "D" in ...
D-2 Illinois Campaign Disclosure Form
must stand for Duh!, because Mark Curran's latest D-2 filing leaves a fairly obvious marker of the political goal he must have pursued in Florida:
Fewer than 30 days after the Republican Convention, Curran's PAC contracted the services of Reverse Spin LLC. Based in Wheaton, Reverse Spin are GOP political consultants whose past clients include Citizens to Elect Joe Birkett:

Expenditure List: Reverse Spin
For those operatives who don't get out of Lake County much, Joe Birkett is the former DuPage County State's Attorney who was the principal in the wrongful prosecution of Rolando Cruz. Birkett ran unsuccessfully for Attorney General in 2002 and unsuccessfully for Lieutenant Governor in 2006. Birkett was appointed Second District Illinois Appellate Court Judge in 2010.

Your LakeCountyEye can only dream to fail up in an impressive fashion like that. And who wouldn't? If this is Mark Curran's dream career glide-path as well, then it is easy to connect the dots and guess what may have happened last August in Florida.

Curran, in conversation with Illinois GOP heavyweights, may have made known his availability as a possible future state-wide candidate. And the aforementioned heavyweights, to a man, would have been all like: oh, absolutely ... but you need to first hire the guys at Reverse Spin to get you ready for the big leagues.

Haha, it could happen.

Saturday, November 24, 2012

More Curran Events

No one, as readers of this blog are absently aware, knows why Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran was in Clearwater Florida last August:
Curran Events
... except Daily Herald top investigative journalist, Kerry Lester:
Greetings from the GOP convention! Following this morning's delegation breakfast and talks at the Sheraton Sand Key resort in Clearwater Beach, Illinois delegates and attendees have an unexpected "free day" as Monday's convention session was largely cancelled due to tropical storm Isaac. Kenilworth Rep. Bob Dold's family - his father Robert, mother Judy and sister Katherine, all say they're using the time to make fundraising phone calls for the 10th District congressman's re-election campaign against Democrat Brad Schneider of Deerfield.
Phone banking during convention downtime
While your LakeCountyEye took no calls from Dold family members, or for that matter from Mark Curran, it's pretty obvious that Curran must've been in Florida for the 2012 Republican National Convention.

The Florida trip, which by your LakeCountyEye's estimate cost nearly $850, was paid-for by Curran's political campaign committee, Friends of Mark Curran. Yet records indicate that Curran was not a convention delegate. And your LakeCountyEye doubts that Curran was there as a convention volunteer, performing red-cap duties.

Sheraton Sand Key Resort
Expenses drawn against an Illinois political committee have to be campaign related. So your LakeCountyEye naturally wonders what sort of political objectives did Mark Curran pursue to justify a trip to Florida?

Mitt Romney had named his VP candidate a month earlier, so Curran couldn't have been at the convention to throw his hat in the ring. Maricopa County Sheriff Joe Arpaio was there from Arizona, but there is no indication that Curran met with "America's Toughest Sheriff" to talk shop.

One thing is known, there may have been an elephant in the room alongside the Illinois delegation to the Republican Convention. Your LakeCountyEye wishes to have been a fly on the floor wall there, that week.

Friday, November 23, 2012

Curran Events

Greetings from Clearwater Florida!

Now that Thanksgiving 2012 is in the record books, your LakeCountyEye is facing a long, protracted holiday weekend with nothing to do. Which makes for the perfect time to crack open a mystery or two -- your LakeCountyEye's favorite holiday diversion.

Your LakeCountyEye already solved one political mystery, as readers of this blog are astonishingly aware ...
Wishful Twinkies?
... regarding Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran's mysterious flip-flopping, like an asian carp, on his long-held positions toward illegal immigration.

This is also why your LakeCountyEye is blogging from Clearwater Florida -- well, actually paging through the website of the Sheraton Sand Key Resort:

Sheraton Sand Key Resort
Mark Curran, it seems, is a man of more than one mystery. Sharpeyed operatives have noticed that Curran's most recent D-2 campaign filing shows some unusual expenditures:

Reverse Nips
Observe the $300 expense for airline tickets. And then, a week later, there is a $540 expense for the flight's presumed destination: the Sheraton Sand Key Resort!

All of which explains why your LakeCountyEye is in Clearwater Florida -- well, actually visiting the Sheraton Sand Key Resort website. Your LakeCountyEye can report that the Sheraton in Clearwater looks to be a 100% classy place to stay. And your LakeCountyEye wouldn't object to spending an actual night or two at the Sheraton Sand Key Resort, particularly if someone else was paying for it. Curran's political contributors, Friends of Mark Curran, certainly got some good bang for their buck out of this deal.

But the mystery remains: Mark Curran is in Florida in August, and the trip is paid for by his PAC. What sort of political business could he have been pursuing all the way down there?

They say the trick to a good mystery is in the preparation. In the meantime your LakeCountyEye can be spotted in Clearwater Florida, looking for more clues.

Thursday, November 22, 2012

Wishful Twinkies?

This was a melancholy Thanksgiving. As in years past, your LakeCountyEye prepared a Thanksgiving feast fit for any Cheetos-stained blogger:
  • Twinkies
  • Ho Hos
  • Ding Dongs
  • CupCakes
  • Sno Cones
  • Suzy Qs
  • Donettes
... all presented on a bed of artisanal roasted chocolate Zingers. Small wonder Thanksgiving is only allowed once a year. With the demise of Hostess, however, this could also very well mark the demise of a treasured LakeCountyEye Thanksgiving tradition.

But there is hope. According to the HuffPo ...
Grupo Bimbo, a Mexican company that is the world's largest bread baker, might hold the key to saving the Twinkie from extinction in a Hostess liquidation. Though other companies have shown interest in buying some of Hostess' iconic brands, Bimbo might have the inside track ...
Bimbo & Twinkies: Mexican Mega Bakery May Save Brands From Hostess Liquidation
Too good to be true? Perhaps, but if so this would answer one of the enduring mysteries of recent Lake County politics.

As readers of this blog are confusedly aware ...
Viva Lake County
Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran last week pulled a complete one eighty and totally reversed his high-profile stance on illegal immigration. According to the Daily Herald, Curran is now ...
backing proposed legislation that would allow illegal immigrants to get driver's licenses, saying it's an economic imperative for our financially struggling state. "We need them to be getting to work," Curran said. "We need them to have driver's licenses."
Lake County sheriff: Illegal immigrants should get driver's licenses
Naturally, Curran's stand does not sit well with the GOP rank and file. Of the more than 150 comments posted on the Herald story, your LakeCountyEye estimates that most break against Curran, by approximately a factor of eleventy billion to one.
report abuse
News-Sun
Hence the enduring mystery: What is Curran up to?

Well ... just suppose the Mexican conglomerate Grupo Bimbo does acquire the Hostess product-line. That would effectively bust the Hostess Bakery Union. And suppose they began manufacturing Twinkies again in Chicago. How are all of those non-union new hires supposed to get to work?

If there is any mystery to what Curran is up to, it should be as plain as a slice of Wonder Bread. As to the LakeCountyEye Thanksgiving tradition, look for many more feasts over the years to come. It's either that or it is the LakeCountyEye blood glucose that's been talking.

Wednesday, November 21, 2012

Happy Black Thursday!

gobble gobble
LakeForest-LakeBluff Patch
Thanksgiving in Lake County is a time to pause and reflect. A time to pause because the 2012 Election was over and done more than two weeks ago, already. And a time to reflect on the fact that those nominating petitions for the 2013 Primary need to be filed within five weeks, by December 24, Christmas Eve.

And in between all the electoral deadlines, Lake County has much to be thankful for, on this Thanksgiving. Lake County is thankful that it is not McHenry County. That's because in an era of rapid climate change, McHenry County is 55% agricultural, as well as home to a comparable percentage of global warming deniers. Be sure to tell everyone how that economic model is working out for you guys, in another year or two.

Also, because of far-seeing County officials, Lake County is thankful for its economic base of 21st Century manufacturing and high-tech employers -- who were lured here, at taxpayer expense, with promises of free land and generous tax credits. Like, for instance, Motorola over in Libertyville.

But not prone to take Thanksgiving lying down, your LakeCountyEye has taken the opportunity to ask Lake County what it is thankful for. And having responded, Lake County is thankful for many, many things, too numerous to mention. Acutally, it's closer to ten of them:

Ten Things to be Thankful for in Lake County
on this Thanksgiving, 2012
  1. Video Gambling

  2. Banty Rooster Congressmen

  3. Princess Nudelman

  4. The Antioch Rescue Squad

  5. The Route 53 Extension

  6. Island Lake

  7. Rubber Stamp County Commissions

  8. Mundelein Free Range Chicken Ranches

  9. Thugs & Goons Trucked Up from Chicago

  10. Racine Wisconsin Visitor & Hospitality Bureau

Look for your LakeCountyEye again next Thanksgiving, phoning it in, again.

Monday, November 19, 2012

Viva Lake County

Fun in AcapulcoWhen you see Sheriff Mark Curran's finger in the air, you know the political winds are changing in Lake County. Curran has been observed flip-flopping triangulating all over his political loyalties again; in this case, the winds are blowing out of the south, from down under -- and not from Australia but from places like Mexico, Puerto Rico, Cuba.

The big story from the 2012 election was Sam Yingling's upset victory over State Rep Candy Cole. Some, including Rich Miller, cite the Latino vote as contributing to Yingling's win:
The 62nd House District, where Democrat Sam Yingling upset Rep. Sandy Cole (R-Grayslake) has a Latino voting-age population of 22 percent. Yingling defeated Cole by 10 percentage points in a district drawn to elect a Republican. Yingling worked very hard for months, and Cole simply didn't, but the Latino vote was obviously crucial.
Latinos are now a major force in Illinois
Well, the voting machines are not even cold yet, and already Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran is telling the News-Sun and other newspapers that he thinks undocumented workers should be eligible for state-issued drivers licenses:
Curran also said that ensuring licensing of all drivers will save lives. "I've driven in Mexico — of course we have immigrants from all over — but they don't have the same rules of the road and it is more dangerous."
Lake County sheriff gets on board licensing undocumented drivers
For operatives who have been out of town on hiatus, this is the same Sheriff Mark Curran who, just a few years ago, was seeking deportation powers for his deputies. According to a 2008 Chicago Tribune story, Curran ...
released the results of an audit that showed a fifth of his jail population is undocumented and pressed for the power to deport them. In the process, he took shots at Cook County, Chicago Mayor Richard Daley and politicians in Springfield and Washington for not doing the same. "The city of Chicago as well as the state of Illinois have shown little interest in cooperating with ICE [Immigration and Customs Enforcement]," Curran said. Later, he added: "Throw the bums out of Springfield and Washington but treat the illegal immigrants with love and respect." Fourteen months ago, Curran applied for certification in the federal 287(g) program, which gives local law enforcement officials deportation powers under Immigration and Customs supervision.
Lake County sheriff continues push for power to deport undocumented immigrants
Curran blasts Daley, Cook County and Washington over lack of deportation efforts
Haha, those were the days, when the Teaparty ruled the roost. Your LakeCountyEye remembers them like they were just yesterday.

Note to operatives, invest your 401(k) money in a Libertyville windfarm: cf. above, the shifting political winds of Lake County.

Friday, November 16, 2012

Manic Suppression

bearer of big giftsThe holiday shopping season got an early start in Lake County, where large numbers of urban-area voters showed up at the polls on election day, to collect their big gifts.

Haha, your LakeCountyEye has been told that systemic voter fraud runs pandemic, particularly in places like Waukegan and North Chicago. In response to the crisis, a well coordinated effort was launched to inhibit Lake County voters from exercising their right to enfranchisement: poll watchers contested legitimate voters; acceptable forms of ID were challenged; confused election judges made poor decisions and long lines; voters were sent to the wrong polling places. Judges were instructed by the Lake County Clerk's office to only issue a provisional ballot to voters who had requested an absentee ballot -- even though Illinois law allows any voter who produces their absentee ballot to cast a regular ballot.

Despite heroic efforts like these, Lake County witnessed its two sitting Congressmen bounced out of office and onto the scrapheap of history -- including Robert Dold, who lost by just a mite.

Note to operatives: defenders of good government are not taking this set-back lightly and are already testing new, sure-fire methods for suppressing the vote in Lake County. Ten of them, for those of you who are counting:

Ten Better Ways to
Suppress Lake County Voter Turnout
in the Next Election
  1. Recruit your election judges from the ranks of the Antioch Rescue Squad.

  2. Require voters to submit a DNA sample to the Lake County State's Attorney office.

  3. Notify voters that the election has been postponed until the Juneteenth of Misremember.

  4. Construct Lake County Roundabouts between voter's homes and their polls.

  5. Poll tacks.

  6. Hire the Dupage County Election Commission to run the election.

  7. Strike the election from the County budget; it's just another costly, unfunded big government mandate anyways.

  8. Schedule the election on futbol night.

  9. Spread a rumor that the video gaming machines at the polling places will be unplugged on election day.

  10. Hold the election in Racine, Wisconsin.

Look for your LakeCountyEye on a provisional ballot near you.

Wednesday, November 14, 2012

Reverse Nips

HB4051 / 96th General AssemblyHaha, an actual lede to an actual Daily Herald story:
Reverse Spin has spun its final news release for the DuPage County Election Commission. After handling media inquires for the commission for several years, the Wheaton-based public relations firm on Thursday notified the commission it didn't want to renew its agreement with the agency.
DuPage Election Commission, public relations firm part ways
For those operatives under home detention, DuPage County is south of Lake County. To get an idea of what DuPage County is like, imagine McHenry County back when before the Dick Tracy Museum closed down. And now imagine that instead of the Dick Tracy Museum it was home to Argonne National Laboratory and Fermilab.

No doubt a source of constant envy up here in Lake County, DuPage County has its own election commission, the DuPage County Election Commission. The DuPage County Election Commission has its own governing board, which has its own recent scandal, which precipitated its own mass resignation. All of which may explain why it had its own PR consultants, Reverse Spin:
The decision to hire Reverse Spin was made by previous members of the election panel, all of whom were ousted in April after a consultants' report found poor ethics and procurement practices at the commission. The former board members wanted to have a spokesman to manage the message coming out of the agency, officials said.
DuPage Election Commission, public relations firm part ways
Their work apparently done, Reverse Spin is with the DuPage Election Commission no longer. They did however bounce back quickly with $2500 received in September from the Friends of Mark Curran:

Friends of Mark Curran D-2 Quarterly Report 7/1/2012 to 9/30/2012
Your LakeCountyEye wonders if Reverse Spin will be able to deliver for Lake County Sheriff Mark Curran what they delivered for the DuPage Election Commission?

Sunday, November 11, 2012

Get a Double Room!

lolcat houseIf Marni Pyke & Kerry Lester weren't in their cups this week, they could've fooled your LakeCountyEye. The two Daily Herald reporters single handedly gave big promotions to two Lake County Congressmen.

The lucky recipient of Lester's largess is Eighth District Congressman (and lame duck) Joe Walsh, who hereupon is to be the next Governor of Illinois:
What about a bid for governor for you? A possibility?
Joe Walsh for governor in 2014?
While the object of Pyke's attentions, Sixth District Congressman (and ladies man) Peter Roskam, is henceforth the future Speaker of the House:
But then you never know. Congressman Dennis Hastert's promotion from chief deputy whip to speaker came out of the blue.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?
Uninformed sources inform your LakeCountyEye that Roskam and/or handlers charmed the impressionable Pyke with blandishments that ranged from the illusory:
Some think that Roskam could be a contender for chairman of the powerful House Ways and Means Committee, of which he is a member.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?
... to the deceitful:
Despite a gerrymandered district crafted to favor Democrat challenger Leslie Coolidge, Roskam sailed to victory with 59 percent of the vote.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?
Pyke blithely disclosed these dubious statements as facts -- some speculate from under the thrall of Roskam's considerable wealth and status:
Armed with a considerable war chest, he also poured money into other congressional campaigns.
Does Peter Roskam's future include speaker's job?
It's a truism in political reportage: It pays for journalists to work their sources. But it also pays for candidates to work their mouthpieces. Their combined efforts were good enough to earn both Daily Herald reporters this week's Get a Room!™ award.

Your LakeCountyEye Get a Room!™ competition is open to any MSM reporter, or tag-team combo, for whom objectivity and journalistic balance is neither a prerequisite nor an impediment to a story.

Friday, November 9, 2012

Close Enough for Governor Work

hockey mom & deadbeat dadIs there any doubt that your LakeCountyEye is the opinion leader -- nonpareil -- for all things political in Lake County? No sooner had your LakeCountyEye published this totally made up unconfirmed rumor about Congressman Joe Walsh ...
one glimmer of hope is an upcoming 2014 Republican Primary, featuring at least one Senatorial or Gubernatorial candidate named Joe Walsh.
Democracy 1, Comedy 0
than the Daily Herald was all over it like banty on a rooster:
Q. What about a bid for governor for you? A possibility?

A. You know that I believe fervently in that vision. I don't know of many other candidates who articulate that vision. Am I going to do something? Oh gosh, I don't know. People approach me every day and ask, "Walsh, are you going to run for the governor? Are you going to run for Senate?" I want to do my part to lead a movement to present a vision to this. I'd rather go down fighting. Democrats have ruined this state but they've been able to do it because the Republicans have allowed them to.

Joe Walsh for governor in 2014?
Joe Walsh is holding them close to the vest, here -- but by the time the interview is over the Herald is all like they caught him already measuring the drapes for the Governor's mansion.

Note to operatives: When you're trolling for a story where there isn't one, it may pay to remember the timeless advice of one oldtime Chicago op:
Make no little plans. They have no magic to stir men's blood and probably will not themselves be realized.
Daniel Burnham
Now, does anyone really care who is running for Governor? That's not happening until, when, like in 2014 sometime? There must be 50 better, more inciteful, leading questions that the Herald could have dropped on Walsh. Your LakeCountyEye can think of at least 10 of them, right off the bat:

Ten Questions that His Career Counsellor May Ask Joe Walsh
  1. What about a bid for Chief Justice of the US Supreme Court for you?
    A possibility?
  2. What about a bid for President of the United States for you?
    A possibility?
  3. What about a bid for President of Afghanistan for you?
    A possibility?
  4. What about a bid for Dark Lord of the Sith and Emperor of the Galactic Empire for you?
    A possibility?
  5. What about a bid for Local News Weather Anchor for you?
    A possibility?
  6. What about a bid for Chief of the Antioch Rescue Squad for you?
    A possibility?
  7. What about a bid for Venture Capitalist for you?
    A possibility?
  8. What about a bid for Ambassador to the Cayman Islands for you?
    A possibility?
  9. What about a bid for Father's Rights Attorney for you?
    A possibility?
  10. What about a bid for Celebrity Apprentice for you?
    A possibility?

Look for your LakeCountyEye toting a yardstick into a carpet & drape shop near you.

Thursday, November 8, 2012

Democracy 1, Comedy 0
The Recount

Dewey Defeats TrumanThe Lake County GOP was handed their lunch, this election cycle, and it didn't come in a Chick-Fil-A sack. As readers of this blog are woefully aware ...
Democracy 1, Comedy 0
The Juggernaut known as Barack Obama steamrolled not only the nation but Lake and every other suburban County as well.

Well, almost. As reported by the Daily Herald, not only did Pres. Obama lose in McHenry County he lost big:
McHenry County voters were the only ones in the suburbs to rebuff the president, voting for Republican challenger Mitt Romney overwhelmingly. In 2008, Obama swept all of the suburban counties. "In McHenry County, people were angry when George Bush was president, and they were looking for change in 2008, but this time they were scared," said state Rep. Mike Tryon of Crystal Lake, who is also chairman of the county's Republican Party.
GOP tries to regroup after suburbs go for Obama again
This should not be surprising. McHenry County is home to more than its share of conservative lions -- Cal Skinner, Nick Provenzano, Jack Franks, to name a few. An even more eye-opening statistic: every GOP candidate that won in Lake County won in a district that overlaps into McHenry County:
  • Randy Hultgren Elected
    Hultgren, an undertaker, passed over to an easy victory largely aided by a sizable turnout from the cemetery vote.

  • Dan Duffy Elected
    The secret gameplan, your LakeCountyEye has been told, is to shrink the Illinois Republican Senate delegation down to a size where even a State Senator of Dan Duffy's caliber can get elected minority leader. As of this election cycle, Duffy's odds stand at a very respectable nineteen to one.

  • Village of Island Lake Proposition
    to Determine Whether to
    Appoint or Elect the Village Clerk
    • YES
    • NO
    (Vote For 1)


    Only 1?
    Lake County Clerk

  • Peter Roskam Elected
    An early advocate of the Republican anti-women legislative agenda, Roskam quickly rose to Deputy Whip in the US House. And by convincing voters that he is an advocate of women's rights, Roskam easy wins re-election. Having no equal among peers, Peter Roskam is the Lake County ladies man.

  • David McSweeney Elected
    Joe Walsh will be departing, leaving behind some big shoes to fill. And not just any pair of big shoes, but laughably big shoes. Your LakeCountyEye suspects that McSweeney may be the big man to fill them.
Without any doubt, McHenry County is the Lake County GOP's firewall. For your LakeCountyEye's money, the Route 53 Extension ought to be built right along the McHenry & Lake County border -- the same historic border, by the way, that centuries ago was the original Mason-Dixon Line. The barbarians may be at the gate, but your LakeCountyEye has seen the future of GOP politics in Lake County and its name is McHenry County.

Wednesday, November 7, 2012

Democracy 1, Comedy 0

Lake County Newspaper of RecordIf there is any silver lining to the Democrats's big win Tuesday night, it's that had your LakeCountyEye needed a morning after pill on Wednesday, they would've been still legal. It seemed like your LakeCountyEye had been legitimately raped by the election polls.

Your LakeCountyEye woke this morning to a political landscape bulldozed flatter than real estate specially re-zoned for the DiMucci family. Where there had once been plenty of fertile political comedy that practically wrote itself, your LakeCountyEye now looks ahead to a bleak prospect of having to dig up, cultivate and report on actual stories. There was nothing funny about the 2012 election results.

Here is the unfunny, in order of comedic relevance:
  • Joe Walsh Defeated
    Say it ain't so, Joe. The one glimmer of hope is an upcoming 2014 Republican Primary, featuring at least one Senatorial or Gubernatorial candidate named Joe Walsh.

  • Mitt Romney Defeated
    Perhaps nowhere other than Lake County would just mentioning President Willard "Mitt" Romney be enough to get a laugh.

  • Sid Mathias Defeated
    Your LakeCountyEye only got one opportunity to use this photo:
    Now to be seen exclusively on the dustheap of history.

  • Robert Dold Defeated
    They won't have EllenOfTheTenth to kick around any more.

  • Sandy Cole Defeated
    This is actually a win for readers of this blog, who shall be spared the gratuitous (or two) "Hurricane" Sandy Cole joke.

  • Suzi Schmidt Restraining Order Extended Six Months
    Nuff said.
In this grim, new political landscape that is Lake County, don't expect to see your LakeCountyEye much of anywhere. Except maybe barreling down the Route 53 Extension, looking for some laughs.

Monday, November 5, 2012

Red Alert!

The national polls all agree on one thing: while the race for President may be tighter than a Blarney Island speedo, back home in Illinois Barack Obama enjoys a insurmountable lead over Mitt Romney.

Anyways, that may be what the Chicago politicians down in Springfield want everyone to believe. But if your LakeCountyEye knows anything, there is only one poll that matters on election day. And that would be ...
Can ties predict the political landscape for 2012?
Solid Color Neckties intends to find out! We're tracking sales of Republican Red, Democrat Blue, and Compromise Striped (for all you swing voters out there) tie sales to try and predict the 2012 U.S. Presidential Election.

Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions
As readers of this blog are smartly aware, there is one Mundelein clothing merchant with the inside scoop on this election's outcome ...
Q the Eye/11.03.12
The latest results of their 2012 Necktie Poll are startling. Not only is Illinois not blue but it is not purple or even pink. On the map below, Illinois is Republican red! Operatives are urged to click the map to see for themselves. Romney is on the cusp of an upset landslide win in Illinois.

Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions
For those naturally skeptical, your LakeCountyEye notes that the Solid Color Neckties Poll has accurately predicted every Presidential election since 2011. Which national pollster can match a claim like that? Harris? Roper? Nielsen? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not.

The poll sends a mixed election day signal to operatives. The news is bad for Democrats: You're going to have to work your polls on Tuesday, else you'll see your candidate lose in his home state. But for Republicans the news couldn't be better: All your hard work paid off. Stay home on Tuesday, take the day off -- you deserve it.

Sunday, November 4, 2012

Dunn Deal

Haha there is no truth to the rumor that your LakeCountyEye was married, back in the 70s, to Chicago actress Nora Dunn. Nonetheless your LakeCountyEye was pleasantly surprised to see the former SNL star in a campaign video that takes direct aim at Lake County Congressman, and ladies man, Peter Roskam:

Nora Dunn Endorsement Oct2012
Operatives of a certain age may recall that your LakeCountyEye was also something of the ladies man, back in the day.

Note to Peter Roskam: If you need the word on the very lovely Ms. Dunn, give your LakeCountyEye a call. And if you're still looking for that wingman, your LakeCountyEye has your back.

Saturday, November 3, 2012

Q the Eye/11.03.12

Dear LakeCountyEye,

Who do I contact about a product placement? I understand that your blog is Lake County's premier destination for marketing my political goods or services from within a neutral, embedded context. Furthermore can you immediately send a rate card, and should I act now before it's too late?

Reeses Pieces
Ὥρος HōrosDear Reeses Pieces (if that's your real name),

Right you are. According to Wikipedia ...
Product placement, or embedded marketing, is a form of advertisement, where branded goods or services are placed in a context usually devoid of ads, such as movies, music videos, the story line of television shows, or news programs. Traditionally the product placement is not disclosed at the time that the good or service is featured.
Product placement
The election is Tuesday and it couldn't be closer in Illinois. A razor-thin statistical dead-heat is all that separates Obama from Romney. This means you have only 3 days left to see your message discretely embedded alongside your LakeCountyEye's non-stop live-blogging of the 2012 Election.

To make things easy, just fill out this easy-to-fill-out form:
Dearest Beloved,
Fellow Blogger,
Hello Barney,
I am Mrs. Zaniab Al-Kharafi from Nigeria. A widow to late Nasser Al-Kharafi. I am decided to donate what I have to charity through you. You may be wondering why I chose you. But someone has to be chosen.
I discovered your website a few months ago and have grown to be a big fan. I look forward to reading it every day.
I've been enjoying reading your blog, Lake County Eye. It has a wealth of high quality (and often humorous) insight into local politics and national politics with a local angle.
I have been touched to donate from what I have inherited from my late husband to charity for the good work of humanity, rather than allow my in-laws who neglected me after my husbands death. At the moment I cannot take any telephone calls, due to the fact that my in-laws are around me, monitoring to know if I still have any of my husbands property.
I am writing because I can help you attract the volume of traffic that your website deserves. No matter what you are selling, I know how to send targeted visitors to your website!
Solid Color Neckties, a national tie retailer based in Mundelein is attempting to predict the election by tracking tie purchases on their website. They're offering Republican red ties, Democrat blue ties, and "Compromise" red and blue striped ties. Their website includes an interactive US map that shows a breakdown of tie purchases by state.
If you can sincerely use this fund for charity then I will wait for your reply. Only reply if you can receive this fund and use it for charity.
This software is perfect for bringing real traffic to your site... even if... it's an affiliate link where you have no control over the website content! Contact me immediately for full details.
As a blog specializing in national and local Lake County politics, I couldn't help but think this would be a light-hearted, entertaining and related link to include on your site. With its local angle, I think it's an interesting little project your readers will get kick out of:
Solid Color Neckties' 2012 Presidential Election Predictions
Have a great day and I look forward to hearing back from you!
Check the appropriate boxes, clip out the form, then send to:
LakeCountyEye@gMail.com
You will not be disappointed when you discover your product or service discretely embedded alongside the guaranteed 100% erudite content of this blog. Don't take your LakeCountyEye's word on it. You probably did not notice but a local product or service has been discretely embedded in this very post!

Haha, act now before it's too late.

If you are an elected official, or a previously elected official, or just a private citizen under indictment, send your political questions to Q the Eye c/o ... LakeCountyEye@gMail.com