Friday, October 29, 2010

Signs of the Apocalypse



October 31 fast approaches, and Lake County is terrified out of its collective wits by those legions of pintsized apparitions clamoring for attention. Uh huh, it's yardsign season. Every year prior to election day it seems that Lake County is inundated with more than its share of political yardsigns. Coincidence? Your LakeCountyEye thinks not.

Sticklers for detail will note it is not yardsign season. In fact, it is never yardsign season. It is yardsign stealing season.

With yardsigns sprouting like toadstools at all the major intersections and highways, visibility is expected to be reduced to zero. Your LakeCountyEye urges operatives pick up a few, while on the way home; or a few dozen. Plus, invest in an industrial office shredder and you too can have the best insulated attic on your block. Safety tip for the DIYer: always remove the metal legs first! Also don't throw those legs away. They cost campaigns a buck a pop, and are reusable.

When the weather turns cold the soil freezes, and getting those reusable metal legs into the frozen ground can be a challenge. Your LakeCountyEye recommends an 18V cordless drill, with a 3/16 inch tungsten bit. Charge up that badboy overnight and you will be illegally planting more signs than Burma-Shave did on a Third of July.

Eagle-eyed operatives know there are actually two kinds of political yardsigns. Those you see on the highways and public right-of-ways, and those you see in, well, people's yards. If a campaign has all of its yardsigns planted on public property that means they don't have much of a field operation going. As it goes in local politics, the side with the ground game usually wins.

Back in the day when your LakeCountyEye would tie an onion to the belt which was the style at the time, yardsigns were the size of a penny postcard. But politics is all about outdoing the opposition, and they've been getting bigger every election. Lake County yardsigns can now be plainly read on the Google maps, and it is projected that by the year 2012, they will be visible from outer space and perhaps even beyond.

One bright note, you will only have to put up with these annoyances until November 3. By your LakeCountyEye's reckoning, the last 2010 yardsign will blow down November 3, 2011. A final reminder to Ops: the only sign that ever won an election for a campaign was the dollar sign.

$igning off!

4 comments:

CatMan said...

For the benefit of LC Truth, you could have at least used a photo that included a Bean sign (or are you having the same problem I am in locating one?)

CatMan said...

Ooops! My mistake! I just saw it - The Dungeon of Doom

Taken said...

There would be Bean signs up if her opponent wasn't so afraid of losing that he has to have them stolen daily.

Certainly the picture speaks for itself.

CatMan said...

The silence on this blog has been deafening since Walsh sent Bean back into her bunker.

As far as sign theft goes, we all now know WHO was taking the other parties signs, female goons from Maryland's Democratic Party, sent here to help Bean.